#hayakawa taiyo

[shiruba-tsuki]

My entire family was killed by a devil right in front of me... I’d rather make any devil I kill suffer as much as possible.

[bytedykes]

I THOUGHT OF MORE csm parallels i may be reading too deep into things but the denji-aki-taiyo triangle... aki had a sick little brother who was going to die but was killed by a devil and nobody saved him, and then aki had a second little brother who was sick and going to die and was killed by a devil and then he WAS saved... and then aki gave up his own lifespan to a devil and died from a different devil and and and... DO U SEE WHAT IM SAYING!!

[angstigone]

WARNINGS: (in honor's of aki's death day), grief, mourning, spoilers, a bit not canon compliant, also I snaked a reference to "northanger abbey" (my favorite jane austen book) and "wuthering heights" because I am reading about the bronte sisters and I am obsessed with them.

it's the typical morbid talks among girls that hit you at one sleepover night while fifteen.

"do you think that love can last even after one's death?".

your goggly-eyed friend had answered you that it was what happened in "wuthering heights", although you had promptly told her that the novel wasn't in any way a romantic one, if anything it was a tale of obsession and morbidosity.

still, many years after - and after having found your own henry tilney - you discovered that love did last after one's death; you had been living without aki hayakawa for a week, when you were notified with the amount of money he had left behind for you by a lawyer, explaining that he split it in three parts: one for you, one for himeno's family and one for denji.

your part alone was enough to have you gawking at the parcel and as if that hadn't been enough, the lawyer notified you that there was also an apartment in the deal, although with the clause that you'd have to share it with denji and power, if they wanted.

you don't mind, as you had grown to care for the two as younger - and troublesome - siblings.

all in all, you were quite comfortable, not enough to quit your current job, but enough to splurge on occasion. the new apartment was more comfortable and redefined to be helpful with ten and twenty years down the road.

said apartment, the lawyer further explained, should have become your house as aki had bought it to rennovate it, in hopes of maybe living there together upon the defeating of the gun devil.

to deal with the grief, you were swiftly contracted by a private professional, and albeit the person wasn't pushy, they explained that they had been contacted by aki ahead of time, and that in the last few months of his life he had been seeing them; the thought horrified you as you could see aki foreseeing his own death, although that wasn't such a terrible idea with his two years down the line.

flowers started to show up at your anniversaries then, alongside your birthdays and you knew that aki, before dying, had sent your friends' letters, begging them to stay by your side when the need rose.

all in all, aki hayakawa wasn't in your life anymore and you found yourself thinking that neither should be the love that you had for him. not with ten years down the line, not with your marriage to a man that you loved as well, not with the child that you name taiyo as aki would have loved.

it's morbid you found yourself thinking often that aki hayakawa still loves you, although you hadn't been able to hug, kiss or talk to him in a long time and yet that's the sole explanation to the feelings in the pit of your stomach.

[chericos]

Aki Hayakawa

2.5k , hurt/comfort

unedited

Thick blankets of snow covered the ground. Trees, bushes, and whatever leaves they have left are engulfed in the soft, cold crystals. The chilly air blew against your face, making your nose a little runny and forcing your eyes to scrunch up just a bit.

Fluffy scarves adorned your neck. You shoved your hands into the warmest pair of gloves you could find. A hat and muffs were tight over your ears to block out the harsh winds.

Winter at its finest.

The season brought so much joy. Kids spent their days outside in the snow. Pressing their backs and small limbs into the ground to carve out snow angels and using their hands to form spheres for snowball fights, not daring to go back inside until they could barely feel their fingertips and their faces flushed due to the frigid air.

The cheerful laughter of Taiyo is what brought you back to your senses.

“Who let him outside?” You muttered quietly to Aki, who was walking to stand behind you. Your parents decided to pay a visit to an old college friend —or in other words, Hayakawa’s parents. Both of your parents have been friends longer than they could remember, naturally making you and the two brothers quite close as well.

“He came out on his own.” His childlike, yet monotonous, voice sighed out. “It's not my fault if you get sick!” Aki sneered, a look of distaste on his face while he stared at his younger brother.

Taiyo only responded with a laugh before he dashed in front of Aki to the vacant area ahead. Crouching down, he stuck his hands in the snow to grab as much as his small hands could. All you could hear were giggles and laughs as his back faced you before he stood up.

You and Aki gave quizzical stares as the over-ecstatic boy turned to face both of you. Before you could question his intentions, Taiyo threw a ball straight to your face. Squeaking in surprise, you quickly crouched down to not be hit, completely forgetting about who stood directly behind you.

Aki’s eyes were wide; the frosted crystals of snow covered his hair and eyelashes. The look on his face was priceless; you couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. Upon releasing the sound, Aki shifted his head to look at you with a scowl. “Are you laughing?”. You choked on your words as you noticed his glare and hurriedly raised your hand to cover the smile that graced your lips.

“So what if I am?” horribly hiding the small giggles that fell past your lips.

After the words slipped off your tongue, you were immediately met with a snowball to the face. It was thrown with such force that it made you lose your footing, resulting in you falling over. The snow crunched under the weight of your body. Your arms were spread to the side of you, big eyes blinking up at your attacker. Aki stared down at you with a smirk and a glint in his eyes that said, ‘You asked for it.’

If your memory serves you, what happened next was a blur; multitudes of snowballs were thrown in a fit of survival, and soft groans of feigned pain and laughter filtered throughout the air. Coming down from your high of adrenaline, you took a deep breath, seemingly trying to regain the air you lost while fighting and fits of hysterics between the three of you.

“awwhh, my hands are cold~” Taiyo whined, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Aki, who was obviously irritated, yet concerned, ordered Taiyo to head inside to grab a pair of mittens.

If only you both knew that would be your last time seeing the ill-prone child.

It felt as if time had stopped. Barely seconds had passed as he closed the door when the sound of roaring winds could be heard. Truly, nothing could have prepared you for the sight you had witnessed. You stood there, frozen as the very house where you spent most of your time playing with your friend and your families eating dinner together had just been destroyed. Ripped out of the ground and torn apart. No words spilled from your lips as you blankly stared at where Aki’s family home once stood.

Tragic, that was the only way you could describe it, even after all these years.

You swallowed harshly, trying to regain your composure, if not for yourself, then for him. The guy you've known for practically your(and his) whole life. The guy that albeit a little young, you've garnered a slight crush on, but as you turned to him to speak he was gone. You don't recall hearing the snow crunch beneath his steps, yet as you looked out to the side into the blank white abyss you could see his figure walking away through the trees.

All you could do was stare. You didn't dare move, even with your hoarse voice from previous crying you wanted to scream out for him. To tell, beg… plead for him to not leave you too. But you didn’t. You just watched as the last thing you had left disappeared from you.

The office was frigid. Even through the thick coat you wore, you could feel the frostbitten air of the weather outside. It was snowing; frost stuck to the windows while the rest filtered their way onto the ground. This season brought a melancholy mood to you; closing your eyes with a sigh as you heard the door to your room open.

You turn your chair away from the window to look towards your office door. A polite smile adorned your visage as you faced the intruder. “Ma’am? Is something the matter? How may I assist you?”. A chuckle resonated throughout the room. “How often have I told you to stop being so formal with me, hmm? Just Makima is fine.” You didn’t respond, opting that your silence was enough of an answer as any.

“If you're not too busy, I have someone I’d like to introduce to you,”

And that’s how you found yourself making your way with Makima’s guidance to her workroom.

The walk to her office was quiet, you didn’t utter a word to her, and she did nothing to ease the uncomfortable —but not unwelcomed— silence either. You found silence to be the best form of comfort, especially after years of working directly under Makima as the second head of the fourth special division. “I’m sure you’ve met him before,” The words came out more sinister than anything, but knowing Makima, it was most likely unintentional. She had a knack for sounding malicious.

“There are not many people here that I willingly talk to.” it came out colder and sadder than you would have liked, although it was truthful nonetheless. You didnt talk to many of the inhabitants of the public safety building; of course, you were respectful; you gave curt nods when passing, gratitudes when someone would kindly kept the door open for you, and simple good mornings when you arrived first thing at 5:30 am. But casual talk wasn't something you’d partake in, even if you were brought into the conversation. Maybe that was why most people didn't bother you.

The door before you stood more eerily than you remembered; you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand as you awaited the following actions.

Three knocks.

Three seconds.

Three times, thinking back on your decision to come here. The old wood of the deep mahogany doors creaked as the knob turned it open.

The same sapphire blue eyes you've grown accustomed to as a bright child. You've only felt this feeling once in your entire life, when you last saw him, his house, his family –the feeling as if time had stopped completely. You never expected to want to feel this way again, but it was so magnetic, so hypnotizing. Those blue eyes of his were a marvel to look at. You could lose yourself in them.

Staring as if things had never changed.

As if you hadn’t changed. As if he never left you, all alone in the cold on that day. You hoped he would come back. Waited for weeks in the same spot, helplessly wanting to just see him, to run up and hold him so he couldn't walk away again. So he couldn’t leave you again.

But he never came.

You couldn't blame him, of course. He just lost the family he had; but weren’t you the same? Was it truly that selfish to want him to confide in you?

shaking your head brought you back to reality, the sight of Makima’s eerie smile as she glanced at you sent a shiver down your spine. Coughing away what shameless embarrassment you had shown you engaged back into the conversation.

“—I’ll be moving you over to her division, Hayakawa.”

Maybe you misheard her. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you replayed her words in your head. Makima might have been evil—in your eyes— but she would never go this far, would she?

She had to have known. You opened up to her about your past on one of your frequent night outs to the bar. You described him to the best of your ability, name and all. There was no way she didn’t know it was him. She was doing this on purpose wasn’t she?

You didn’t want anything to do with this exchange anymore but sadly the lines on your forehead didn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you doing all right over there?” God. Her smile. How you hated it. You hated how you could see the pure look of amusement swirling in her eyes at your discomfort. You hated it. You hated her.

You hated him.

Aki Hayakawa.

All he did was stare at you. Yet you hated how his gaze would linger on your face. He didn’t utter a word. Did he forget you? Surely not. He had to have remembered you right?

You didn’t want to see him anymore. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Without answering you turned on your heels and stormed out of the room, slamming the door on your way.

It’s not like you had anywhere to go. You just wanted out of that room. The cold air nipped at your skin as you walked beyond the building doors. You found an empty bench, using your bare hands to push the snow that piled atop of it before sitting.

Taking a deep breath while tilting your head up to the sky you tried to clear your head. It was still snowing. Just like that day. You closed your eyes to stop the tears from forming.

It seemed as if the world had other plans for you. The sound of the snow crunching caught your attention. Assuming it was just another bypasser you kept your eyes closed. It wasn’t until you heard a cough that you peered through your lashes.

There he stood. And again, time froze. His onyx hair, his cerulean eyes. His- “I’m sorry.” The words, soft as they fell from his lips. His eyes held guilt in them as he looked over you. You didn’t need an apology though. You wanted to know why he left you.

“I don’t want your apologies.” From the corner of your eye you could see him visibly wince at your tone. However you didn’t ponder on it. Immediately asking him the question you’d been longing to know the answer to.

“Why did you leave?” Now that you said the words aloud they did seem selfish, but you deserved to know that at least. Some sort of closure. Any closure. And then it would all be fine, wouldn’t it?

It wouldn’t.

You waited for his response, minutes passed by without any words spilling from his mouth. Maybe he didn’t know what to say? But that was unlike him, he always knew the right things to say. Then you heard a sound, it was quiet, you had to strain your ears to even pick it up. A whimper? No, more like a choked sob. You glanced up, taking a quick stop to look at him.

Even though he tried to move his face out of your line of sight you still caught ahold of the tears that he was desperately trying to wipe away. He was crying.

You were still mad at him. Sure. But you couldn’t just stand there and watch him like that. Without thinking you stood up from the bench to move closer to him. Your arms circled around his torso and you pulled him into a hug. It took him a while before he moved to do the same.

“I didn’t mean to leave. I just,” he paused for a second. Breathing in before he continued. “I just thought I needed space. Which was stupid. I shouldn’t have left you there. But when I tried to go back I couldn’t find you. I thought you left me too.”

You felt your own tears in your eyes. You tried hard to blink them back but to no avail. “You idiot, I would never leave you. I assumed you were leaving me all alone. I should’ve called out to you, sorry.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It’s fine now.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Aki, I said it’s ok, I forgive you.”

“I'm sorry.”

You didn’t have the energy to argue back and forth with him. You pressed yourself closer to him, the chill of the air starting to catch up with you. The two of you stood there, embraced, together. The occasional person passing may have given you both odd stares but that didn’t matter. At least not right now. Cause you had just gotten the one person you trusted the most back.

Minutes passed, although it felt more like hours before Aki hesitantly pulled back from the hug.“Are you feeling better now?” Aki’s eyes glazed over with concern as he stared down at your face. “Yeah, sorry for storming out like that. I just didn’t know what to say.” It was embarrassing to actually admit to his face.

“You don’t have to apologize, I honestly expected you to slap me.”

“I should’ve.” A smile graced your face at the mental image. You took a few steps ahead before turning around to motion him to follow you back inside. Surely Makima was still waiting on the both of you.

“Would you like to catch up later?” He asked as he matched your pace. He sounded timid, probably afraid of you rejecting him since he couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact. You couldn’t help but giggle.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

“That ponytail of yours is kind of stupid looking you know-”

“Shut up.”

—————————

Can you tell i rushed everything past the 3rd paragraph of the office part??! 😭 this has been sitting on google docs since November and I was getting tired of it so I just.. finished it yk.

Anyways this was supposed to be for @justauthoring 30k event but honestly idk if it’s too late for that. Originally going to be pure angst but I have some haters (bella) so I tried to write something cute 😒

Too tired to read over/edit tonight so if there’s any mistakes or advice you can write a comment, I’ll have my beta readers go over it tmr

[sugarplumxx]

honeysuckle - aki h.

aki hayakawa loves his sister, perhaps a little too much…

cw: dark content, nsfw, incest, mental illness, trauma, gore/accidental self-harm, guilt (aki does bad things and feels bad about it), noncon, grooming/underage assault, so so many other things

aki might be ooc but i really wanted to write this for him <;/3

this has a LOT of triggering potential so interact at your own discretion!

“Aki…taste this!”

Your soft little voice rings out in the meadow as you bound over towards the boy, your hand outstretched with a few small flowers inside. 

“Taste it?” Your brother scrunches up his nose. “What are you talking about, stupid?”

“It tastes like sugar! Here, let me show you.”  

Your small hands pinch the base of one of the blossoms, right at the trumpet, and with a gentle tug of the stamen, you unpeel the flower. 

“Look, there’s the nectar.” A tiny drop hangs on the stamen. “Taste it, Aki, taste it!” He humors you, kneeling to let you place it in his mouth. A light, sweet flavor spreads across his tongue, and he hums.

“Tastes good.” “I got a bunch of them so that Taiyo can try.” He nods, smiling softly, although his stomach curls a little whenever you say his name. It’s stupid, he knows: he shouldn’t be jealous of his sister’s love for his brother. You love both of your brothers, and you love them the same.

Aki doesn’t want to be the same as Taiyo, though. Not in your eyes. He’s not sure what he wants, but it’s not that. 

His throat stings with a bitterness none of your nectar could help with. 

___

“Aki…” you breathe softly, your hands fluttering over his shoulders. “G’morning…” 

“Morning.” He breathes it into your neck, along with a soft kiss. “Slept well?” You nod, smiling gently. You always have that look about you — dazed and happy. You don’t seem to feel much else lately. 

“I dreamt about the meadow…when w-we were little.” “Did you?” He wraps his arms around your waist.

You nod again, melting into his embrace.  

“...dreamt that you and I were picking honeysuckle.”

He chuckles. You and your flowers. 

“Can’t remember w-what it tastes like, though…”

“You can’t? I can.” He remembers, clear as day. Holding your hand in the early summer, the two of you running through the field by your old house. You’d stop and wait for Taiyo, which would make him pout, and then the three of you would skip at your pace to the river. Taiyo would search for shiny rocks and you would pick honeysuckle while Aki read under the shady tree…

“Aki?”

You look up at him with big, wide eyes, innocent and pure.

“A-Am I gonna leave the house today?”

He tucks a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Don’t think so.” Your face doesn’t even fall anymore. “It’s safer for you to stay inside. Especially with my job…” You don’t even know what his job is. You wouldn’t understand if he told you, so you don’t ask. 

“Okay, Aki…” Nothing is sweeter than your blind trust.

___

You hear from a woman in town that honeysuckle tea has healing properties, and immediately set about making it for your brother.

Taiyo has been sick for over two years now. Aki wants to call you stupid: if the doctors can’t help him, there’s no way that your silly tea will. But he holds his tongue because knows you’ll cry if he tells you the truth.

You crush the flowers in the kitchen, humming quietly to yourself. For only being nine, you have an endearing determination that draws Taiyo to you, and he sits beside you, watching intently.

“What are you doing?” “Making you tea. It’ll help you.”

“Really?” He smiles softly. “Thank you.” Once you’ve put the flowers into water, you let it sit for a long time in the fridge. Your parents leave to take Taiyo to his weekly doctor’s appointment, so you and Aki are left alone, something that happens all too often. You sit next to him on the couch, eventually falling asleep on his chest. 

He smiles, stroking your hair softly. Such a small child, so soft and innocent. You are nothing if not blind — blind with hope, with joy, with love. Aki won’t break your heart by telling you that your brother won’t live past Christmas. 

Honeysuckle tea won’t mend the wounds in your hearts after you lose him, and he knows that. 

___

The door swings open, and you immediately stand, putting your little fidget toy down and running over to him. 

“Aki!” He brushes past you, his face set in a hard line. There’s a splatter of blood across his jawline, one that your eyes widen at. You rise up on the balls of your feet, trying to wipe it away.

“You okay, Aki?”

“Stop,” he says softly, pushing you aside again. 

“But you’re bleeding.” “No, I’m not.” “Aki, are you sure—” “Just shut the fuck up!” He shouts, shoving you away from him.

You stumble back, losing your footing and falling onto the floor in front of him. 

“You’re such a stupid, stupid girl, fuck! Can you ever just leave me the fuck alone?!” A soft whimper comes from your lips, and he stops when he sees your wide-eyed gaze, watching him with those adorable eyes.

You’re not even crying. You don’t even look afraid. Just…confused. 

“W-What did I…?” You ask after a little bit. “How…did I get on the floor?”

He lets out a long sigh, his eyes and throat stinging with guilt. “You tripped.” He reaches out a hand to help you up. “You feel okay?” “Mhm.” You nod, nuzzling into his shoulder. “M’fine, Aki.” “I know you are.” His hand trembles as it brushes over your hair. “I love you, sweet girl.” “Love you too…”

Later that evening, you lay on the bed, your hands gripping the sheets tightly. Soft whimpers leave your lips, your eyes big and glassy as they watch the ceiling. 

“Aki…” He licks at the sensitive place between your legs, and you feel soft thrums of pleasure coming from your tightening stomach. With one particularly rough kiss, your mouth falls open and your eyes tear up.

“O-Oh…”

“Look at me, sweet girl.” You try, but you can’t adjust your gaze. It’s like you’re sinking into the bed, into your own body, down and away and disconnecting from everything physical. 

“Hey.” You feel a slap against your thigh, but you don’t even react. “Hey! I said look at me.” “M…m’trying…” your head falls to the side. “I…” You drift off again, feeling yourself start to sink even deeper. There’s nothing for you to worry about though: it’s safe and warm and quiet, nothing but you and your brother and the pleasure he brings your body as he tastes your nectar. 

___

“This is where I live, said the city mouse. And oh, what a big house it was! The city mouse’s family—” “Daddy, daddy! Can we play catch outside?” Your voice is soft, always so hesitant to speak to your parents. 

Zipped into your coat, wrapped in a scarf and mittens, bundled into a beanie, you smile up at your parents excitedly. Your oldest brother stands behind you, a glove in his hands and a scowl on his face.

“Taiyo doesn’t feel well,” your father replies. “Why don’t you two play together, instead?” “He never does,” Aki mumbles. “I don’t remember him ever feeling good.”

“You’re the older brother.” Your mother’s face is all hard lines and tired eyes. “Be good and play with your sister alone.” Aki sighs, his hand on your shoulder. He doesn’t care whether your parents play or not. He just wants to be with you. The only reason that he humored you and came to ask with you was so you wouldn’t cry. 

“I…I wanna play with them.” Taiyo’s voice is soft, looking at the two of you shyly. 

You nod excitedly, bouncing on the balls of your feet. Aki tries not to roll his eyes. He doesn’t want to share you with your brother. His parents, his toys, his life…you’re the only thing in this house that still belongs to him. 

He grits his teeth as he stomps through the snow. It’s blanketed everything outside in a layer of pure, glistening white. Aki’s walking ahead, too fast for Taiyo to keep up, so you bridge the gap by staying in the center. 

“Quit following us,” he says bitterly. 

Taiyo doesn’t say anything, still walking behind you, and you turn to look between the two of them.

“Aki—”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying! I said cut it out!” Without thinking, he launches a handful of snow at his little brother. It hits him in the chest, and the way you gasp and run over to make sure he didn’t hit him too hard makes Aki feel like he’s been hit himself. 

“We’re gonna go play. By. Ourselves.”

Before you can scold him for being horrible, a ball of snow comes flying back at Aki and hits him square in the face.

Without thinking, you burst out laughing, along with Taiyo, and the two of you nearly collapse.

“He got you!” You say, giggling. “Aki!” “Stupid! Both of you are so stupid!” He throws another handful, this time at you, and you scream with glee as you hop in place.

“That was mean!” You shout, still laughing. “I’ll get you back!” He lets out a grunt of protest as your snowball hits him in the side, but you gasp as Taiyo hits you with one in turn.

“Traitor!” You get Aki in the face again, much to your delight, and he eventually gets frustrated and just pushes a handful into your face. You sniffle, brushing it off, and Taiyo pants heavily beside you, his pale hands quivering a little. 

“Hey. If you catch a cold, we’ll get in trouble,” Aki says eventually. 

“Maybe we should play catch instead…” you say softly. “His hands won’t be cold then!” The way your brother’s eyes light up is unlike anything you’ve ever seen since the day he came home from the hospital. It makes your stomach warm and floaty, and you giggle at what Aki says next.

“Go grab a glove from inside. We’ll wait right here, okay?”

“Okay…okay! Don’t go, okay?” “We’ll wait!” You say, calling after your brother. “Should I go with him? Does he know where the gloves are—

The loudest roar you’ve ever heard stops you as a violent, powerful wind blows you over. Aki instinctually grabs for you to keep you from being tossed up into the chaos, but it’s over as quickly as it started — just without your home anymore. 

You don’t register that you’re screaming until your voice stops working.

___

You chop carrots in the kitchen to go atop the salad that you’ll have with dinner tonight. Aki bought garlic bread and you’ve put the pasta on to boil already. You’re glad he trusted you to make dinner, although you’re not sure why he wouldn’t.

Aki can be so distant sometimes. You can’t help but feel like he’s been drifting away from you, like you can’t focus on each other, like he’s been…fuzzy. 

Or maybe it’s just your vision. You’re not sure which, although you know for certain that your dreams have been getting quieter. Softer. Less…just less. The same can be said for life, sometimes—the few and far between days that your brother tells you it’s safe to go outside, the colors seem a little more muted, the voices a little quieter around you. 

It’s too much to think about. You push it out of your mind, starting to feel that pleasant, dull buzzing behind your eyes as your hand comes down over and over, chopping and chopping.

Aki leans back into his chair, slouching on the balcony. A cigarette hangs from his lips as he listens to the sounds of the city, the sun setting beneath the skyline. It’s beautiful, really.

Despite all his stress, he’s glad to have this home. To have you. To have a life together. Despite what the costs may be.

“Aki…” He turns to see you standing in the doorway, smiling softly, raising a hand with three fingers missing. “Dinner’s ready.” 

He freezes with horror at the way the three stubs gush with blood, the flow almost rhythmic and red rivulets pouring down your slim forearm. 

“Fuck!” Aki runs up to you, and you seem confused. He wants to swear again, now is not the time for your zoning out, for you to distance yourself. 

“What happened?” He sits you on the toilet, the seat down and your head leaning against the wall. You whine a little as he presses a towel to staunch the blood flow, but still don’t seem to understand — gazing up at him with a sweet, dopey look in your eyes.

You cut off your own fingers, and you aren’t even scared.

Tears start to pour from his eyes before he can stop himself, and your face falls a little.

“Aki…what’s…wrong?” “I’m so sorry.” He weeps into your hair, his hands shaking. “I’m so, so sorry…” “For what?” You tilt your head, smiling softly. 

“For everything…everything I’ve done.”

___

The first time Aki takes you, the guilt almost stops him.

You tremble when he brushes his hands against your stomach, whimpering a little.

“Tickles, Aki.” “I know. Stay still, okay?” The tiny apartment is nothing special. You’ve been holed up here for two months, courtesy of the government. Two months since you lost everything. 

You cry pretty much every day. It’s practically all that you do.

“Why…why are y-you touching me?” You ask softly. “What are you doing?” “Just…just want to make you feel good. You’ve been so sad lately.” Your lip quivers, and he scoffs. Of course he said the wrong thing, and now you’ll start crying again.

“Come here. Let me kiss you, okay? You’ll feel better.” It’s an idea that makes you hesitate, but you don’t pull away when he leans in, pressing his lips to your softer ones. Your mouth tastes like the peach juice you drank with lunch, sweet like nectar. 

You gasp after he pulls away, looking up at him with those same, big eyes. He kisses your forehead, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

“See?” You nod ever-so-slightly. 

“S’better…but I…I-I’m still…” You start to sniffle again. “M’sorry, I—” “Don’t apologize. Let me still…let me make it better.” His lips attach to your neck, pressing soft but hungry kisses down the side of your neck. His mouth kisses your chest, the parts not covered by your tank top, and travels down to your bare stomach before he looks up at you, his face just above your hips.

Long, lithe fingers hook into your sleep shorts, and you whine as he pulls them down. You poor thing, you’re shaking. He knows how scary this must be, how overwhelmed your brain is, still so raw after all of what you’ve just lost. 

He’s lost nothing. He has all he needs, right here.

One finger dips inside of you, and you let out a long, shaky whimper. 

“Hurts, Aki—” “I know. Just relax.” You have a hard time “relaxing”, your hips bucking and legs twitching as a single digit inside of you fries your brain. He strokes the bony part of your hip, trying to help calm you.

“Just watch me, okay? Just…keep your eyes on me.” You nod, your teeth clamped down on your lip. A poor, sweet little flower ripped from its stem.

The white-hot cry you let out the first time he sinks into you is almost enough to make him stop.

“Aki! S’too m-much…” “I know. Just breathe. Look at me and breathe.” He finishes quickly, too young for true stamina. After he’s done, his sweaty forehead plastered to yours, he pulls away and out as gently as he can.

You collapse back onto the pillows, your small hands going up to cover the flower between your legs, red and irritated and dripping with fluids you don’t understand. Like bruised rose petals that drip with nectar, nectar mixed with the blood of your innocence. 

___

For the first time in three months, Aki allows you to go outside. 

“It’ll be good for you, I think.” He hopes it’ll be good for you. He’s losing you too quickly — whatever is eating away at your brain has been accelerating, and he hopes it’s not too late to try and bring you back, bring his sister back. 

You walk to the nearest bus stop, dressed in a sundress he chose since you say they all look the same. On the bus, his fingers rest on your leg reassuringly, and your eyes flutter closed, head leaning against the window. Your mutilated hand dances over your other knee, your good finger stroking the soft floral fabric beneath it. 

“M’sleepy, Aki.” “I know…just thought it would be fun.”

You smile softly and nod. 

“Thank…thank y-you.” A gentle squeeze of your thigh makes you hum.

You reach the stop rather quickly. Dazed and distant, you follow behind your brother, your hand snug in his as he leads you down the trail. This is the last stop on the bus route — the end of the line, as they say. 

He’s not sure what he’ll do if this can’t bring you back.

The gardens are beautiful at this time of day — half an hour past ten, a warm breeze ruffling your hair and the soft gurgling of the creek that runs through the area. Birds are singing nearby, flowers are in bloom, and it’s mostly empty save for the small children who frolic in the grass and the old couples feeding ducks by the water. 

At the end of the field lies a stone retaining wall, about three feet high. At the top, there are thick tresses of ivy, along with the clusters of the flowers you taught him to identify.

“Ah, here we are.” He sits you down on the wall, smiling gently. You watch him, that same soft look on your face, although confused now as you see him pick some of the blooms.

“What’re you doing, Aki?” “They’re honeysuckle.” “Honey…suckle?” You hum. “That’s a pretty name.” 

“Don’t you remember?” He kneels in front of you, one of the flowers in his hand. “You taught me how to eat them. Can you show me again?” You frown a little, but then giggle, shaking your head.

“Eat them? I don’t…remember. I-I’m sorry.” 

His jaw clenches, and he shakes his head.

“No, no…you have to remember. For me. How do we...how do we get the nectar out?” You shrug, still smiling. 

“Dunno, Aki. Don’t think I’ve ever heard of honeysuckles before.”

[zeninsama-moved]

not to get into big brother analysis right now but... let's talk about aki hayakawa and unintentional corruption

tw for incest and abrupt endings and lack of proofreading and "sweet girl" used once

it's important to note that aki could go his entire life without laying a finger on you. that's not the nature of his feelings. there's nothing perverse about the way he touches you, no ulterior motives behind his loving gestures. it's all emotional.

as the only other surviving member of the hayakawa family– his sweet little sister – you're all he has left, and he'll fight tooth and nail if it means keeping you safe, untouched by all the cruelty in the world.

after all, you're safer when he guides you. when your big brother holds your hand and murmurs gently in your ear, showing you the world as he wants you to see it. giving you everything he couldn't have for himself because you're his precious little sister, his purpose for existing, and he'll see to it that you get everything you want in life.

(deep down, he's afraid that you'll be taken from him too. if he doesn't keep you close, nurture you like a precious flower, you'll be taken from him the same as mom, dad, and taiyo.)

maybe his love for you is more intense than the ordinary sibling, maybe his protectiveness can come off as overbearing to anyone that doesn't know the bond you share. he's had girlfriends throughout the years and it didn't take long for them to notice exactly where they stand – how quickly their seemingly normal boyfriend folds when it comes to you.

(how fast aki drops everything to dote on you, leaving them to watch the movie alone, pretending they can't hear the giggles coming from the kitchen as he throws some food on the stove for you.)

maybe you've become spoiled as a result of his love, because even as an adult, you still cling to him. you still look to him for guidance because you've become so dependent on him, you don't know how to do it alone.

you need him.

it's you who makes the first move, sitting yourself on aki's lap and kissing him insistently, parting his soft lips with your tongue.

his entire body goes rigid, frozen in horror. no, no, no, he's thinking to himself. it's not supposed to be like this, you're not supposed to be like this.

it's then that the thought crosses his mind. did he ruin you?

“you said it yourself, nii-chan,” you’re murmuring when your lips part, reaching down to gently take his hand in yours, guiding it to cradle your cheek. his eyes soften as you nuzzle against it, pressing a kiss to his palm. “nobody loves me more than you do. nobody will look out for me the way you do. there’s nobody i can trust more than my nii-chan, right?”

aki's stomach churns from guilt. you’re pressed right up against his dick, he knows you can feel it throb from how badly he fucking wants you, but he can’t. if he allows himself to give in, put his hands on his little sister, it would be truly unforgivable.

his protests are weak. "we can't do this."

“do you love me, nii-chan?” you press, sounding almost desperate.

before aki can answer, you take his thumb into your mouth and suck softly around it, still staring at him with the sweet eyes he can't resist. his body reacts on its own, pressing down on your tongue, feeling your cheeks hollow as you hum in quiet content.

“you know i do,” aki sighs, voice cracking from the weight of the situation. “you’re everything to me, sweet girl, you know you are.”

“then kiss me again.” you’re always so needy, pressing kisses to his lips and the corner of his mouth, whining softly under your breath. “kiss me, aki, please."

[historias-multorum]

Basics.

Name: Aki Hayakawa Age: 28 Species: Human/Fiend host Orientation: Demisexual/Demiromantic Profession: Public Safety Devil Hunter

Physical Aspects.

Body Type: Tall and moderately muscular build .Eyes: Blue. Skin: Fair and a little tan Height: 6'0ft

Family.

Family: Both mother and father are dead Siblings: A little brother named Taiyo who is also dead Pets: The pet cat that Power has

Skills.

Swordsmanship Hand-to-Hand Combat Cooking

Enhanced Reflexes

Enhanced Durability

Likes.

Colors: Navy Blue, shades of black, auburn red Sounds: Thunder Storms, grunge music, a quiet apartment Textures: Pet fur, his blade Food: Gyūdon, fried seafood, curry rice, takeout Alcoholic Beverages: The occasional beer or glass of wine Favourites: Reading, Checkers & Chess, Indoor gardening, Journaling

Other Details.

Smokes: Occasionally yes Drugs: None Drivers License: Knows how to drive and has his license Ever Been Arrested: No.

Tagged by: Yoinked from @electricea

Tagging: If you drank water today you do it

[soleilnomoon]

† all the devils are here: modern au & arranged/contract marriage au feat. hayakawa aki x reader.

† setting: modern day, year xx23, spring

† starring: hayakawa aki, first son of the main hayakawa family (25) & y/n, the bride-to-be (23)

† feat. cameo appearances from: mr. hayakawa (aki’s father), mrs. hayakawa (aki’s mother), hayakawa taiyo (aki’s younger brother), & others .

† summary (of sorts): y/n has always been in her sister’s shadow her entire life, and she plays the meek, unassuming, naive younger sister role incredibly well. too well, if anything. aki, in comparison, has always had the spotlight shining brightly on him; his arrogance isn’t a flaw or misplaced, it’s well-earned — there’s a difference. and, according to him, it can’t be considered nepotism if he’s the best at what he does. the hayakawa family has had their hands in finance (private & public sector) over the past decade and are currently moving into politics — the main branch is run by its austere matriarch (aki’s grandmother), and she is highly selective  of who marries into their family. aki knows not to fuel his grandmother’s wrath, but a large part of him absolutely detests having someone else plan his entire life without his input. both y/n and aki are incredibly ill-suited for one another, but they’ll need one another’s help to get what they want — for y/n it’s freedom from the path of mediocrity and unattainable dreams; for aki, it’s freedom from the rigid society he’s grown to hate.

† word count: currently at 3k.

† contains: fem reader, nsfw (18+ mdni), blood money, corrupt politics, arranged marriage where both parties have their hands tied (figuratively), dry humping publicly (the scandal of it all), idk cute stuff like getting caught while masturbating, public sex (probably), fwb shet, jealousy (idk what to tell u), alcohol consumption, smoking, blackmail, degradation/humiliation (i’m not sorry), aki’s family is the worst™ (but so is y/n’ lbr), enough angst to drown in 10x, enough smut to make even me blush (u know the vibez), betrayal bc i don’t love myself, reluctant enemies to lovers (not exactly enemies, but aki’s a brat as u know), maybe a bit of magical realism, plot twists on top of plot twists, & probably some kind of violence (we’ll see tho).

† chapter 01 — occlude — (complete)

† chapter 02 — ephemeral — (in progress)

† chapter 03 — corazón — (in process)

† last updated: 02/05/23

† hiii! ʚ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ɞ thanks for taking the time to read through everything, & i do hope you enjoy the story i’m tinkering away at. not sure how long this fic will be (story of my life), it’s smth ambitious (ofc it is), but i def will try to update as consistently as i can (we’ll see tho lmao). as i write, i’ll update the warnings list.† if you want to be added to the taglist then you can drop a comment or send me a message and i’ll add you!

† as previously stated, this is a modern au/ arranged | contract marriage au fic; i’ll try to keep as close to canon as possible with characterizations — and trying to incorporate elements from csm into a modern world setting is a little tricky, but i’m making it work i think, who knows atp.

† i have an idea of how i want this to end (unsurprising), and i don’t always stick to outlines so we’re all going to be in for a wild ride, u already know what time it is w.  me; just know that it’s a dark romance w. a lot of drama, there might actually be a happy ending yk, we’ll see.

† taglist: @strawhatsoraya

[xokiddo]

fallen

—Fandom: Chainsaw Man —Pairing: Angel Devil/Hayakawa Aki

—Summary:

Aki visits his family's grave, just as he does every year. This time, he has a devil for company, and he finds that he doesn't mind - in fact, he welcomes it. If only because it's Angel at his side.

—Word Count: 817 words —Tags/Content Warnings: no content warnings. canon universe, but ambiguous on timing. feels and fluff, a tiny bit of angst/comfort. safe for anime onlies!

—Author's Note: this is an excerpt from a longer AkiAngel oneshot that I'm writing, but I'm hoping that if I share this snippet, I'll be motivated to actually finish rather than hop between a dozen projects lol

Read below the cut.

Aki dreads his visits to Hokkaido every year.

This year, it’s in the transitionary period between fall and winter, just before the prefecture will be coated in snow. He usually comes alone, but this year, the Angel Devil trails behind him as they walk down to the Hayakawa grave. The evening air is frigid, but damp enough to make the occasional breeze feel biting. Aki barely notices, curling his fingers tighter around the bouquet of flowers in his hold, the paper protecting the stems crinkling as he stops walking.

The tombstone in front of him is large enough to encompass three names. Three names that he hasn’t spoken aloud in years.

Three names that Aki hasn’t shared with another person since the day they died.

Aki can feel Angel’s eyes on his back, curious about the single grave but respectful enough to give him space. For once, Aki wishes that Angel wouldn’t follow social norms and would instead fill the silence with his soft, melodic voice. He would settle for Angel’s questions, maybe an ill-timed remark, or a complaint about how it’s getting late and they need to get food.

Sighing, Aki only hears the wind whistle in his ears, making his cheeks burn.

Every year that passes, Aki feels his goal slip further away. Despite finding pieces of Gun Devil flesh, he’s left just as hopeless as he was on that day, having found no leads as to where the Gun Devil resides or how to kill it.

He thinks of the Kyoto devil hunters that insulted him, said that he pissed them off. How they’re rooting for him even if they think he’s chasing a phantom.

Taiyo, who always was his loudest supporter, is dead and silent in the ground. Aki wonders if Taiyo would tell him to move on with his life, or if Taiyo would simply declare that he thinks Aki can do it, just like he did everything else.

“Aki,” Angel says softly from his side. “It’s beginning to snow.”

Aki blinks, looking down at the flowers and watching flurries speckle the petals white.

He hums in acknowledgement, his gaze sliding back to the grave. “It is.”

He steps forward to place the flowers on the ground, propping them against the headstone. He begins to straighten, but pauses, looking at the black gloves on his hands. He flexes his fingers once, realizing the stiffness is from how thin his gloves are, poorly protecting his hands.

Slowly, he pulls the gloves from his hands, and he carefully puts them beside the bouquet on the ground.

“They’re not baseball gloves, but I hope they’ll do, Taiyo,” Aki murmurs, bowing his head as he speaks.

As Aki stands, Angel tilts his head, looking up with confusion in his face. “It’s freezing,” he remarks, glancing down to Aki’s bare hands and back up again. “Won’t your hands get cold?”

Aki lifts his hands, holding his palms up as he sees the tops are already pink. His fingers twitch, as if to close into a fist, but he drops his hands to his sides and turns to Angel.

“Probably,” Aki agrees. “But I’ll be okay. We should get back to Denji and Power in the room.”

Angel frowns, clearly not understanding Aki’s train of thought. Aki grabs the sleeve of Angel’s jacket between his thumb and forefinger, pulling him along so they begin to walk. Angel bites back a quip about how Aki shouldn’t touch him without gloves, instead moving a step away so Aki has to drop his sleeve.

“Who was Taiyo?” Angel asks, his voice barely above a whisper. He looks over at Aki, long strands of red blowing back from his face as the breeze blows past. His halo gives him a warm light on his face, illuminating the color in his cheeks and nose from the cold air.

“My little brother,” Aki tells him, momentarily letting his thoughts wander; Angel looks ethereal, and Aki is shocked to find that it’s a welcome thought.

Angel looks back ahead, clearly unsure of what to say that could be of comfort to Aki.

Aki lets his gaze linger, watching Angel’s wings twitch as another gust of wind cuts through them. Feeling a rush of boldness—or recklessness, perhaps—he reaches out and wraps his fingers loosely around Angel’s wrist, over the jacket. He’s dangerously close to the end of the jacket sleeve, where there’s a sliver of skin exposed between Angel’s jacket and glove. Angel shoots him a wide-eyed look that immediately shifts into a glare; when Aki only offers a slight uptick of the corners of his lips, Angel’s anger melts into something softer.

Angel’s face grows red as he looks away, and Aki thinks it doesn’t have anything to do with the cold.

He doesn’t let go until they leave the graveyard, the sun setting behind them as snow begins to cover the ground.

[sweatywitchtree]

A Normal Life

Summary:

The familiar wail of your six-month-old infant carried into the bedroom you shared with your husband, Aki Hayakawa. You always slept with an arm and leg slung over him and drool falling out of the corner of your mouth. As you turned on your side to get out of bed, you felt a hand on your shoulder. The soft touch was accompanied by a confident, “I got it,” whispered in the dark. Aki got up as you rolled over to check the alarm clock. It was currently 6:00 am, and you had to wake up to get ready for work at 7:00 am. You were so grateful that Aki quit his job as a devil hunter to be a house husband.

(Aki Hayakawa quits public safety to become a house husband but still struggles with his past.)

(WARNING: Season 1 spoilers)

The familiar wail of your six-month-old infant carried into the bedroom you shared with your husband, Aki Hayakawa. You always slept with an arm and leg slung over him and drool falling out of the corner of your mouth. As you turned on your side to get out of bed, you felt a hand on your shoulder. The soft touch was accompanied by a confident, “I got it,” whispered in the dark. Aki got up as you rolled over to check the alarm clock. It was currently 6:00 am, and you had to wake up to get ready for work at 7:00 am. You were so grateful that Aki quit his job as a devil hunter to be a house husband.

“Thank you, Aki,” you thought, rolling onto your back and closing your eyes. “You’re the best.”

Aki calmly walked into the small kitchen, turned on the light, and filled a mug with tap water. He put the mug in the microwave for a minute. He then opened the refrigerator cluttered with papers held up by colorful magnets to grab a bottle of formula. Leaving the cold bottle on the counter, he pulled back the blue curtain hiding the balcony door. He watched the sun slowly rise over the cityscape until the microwave beeped. Returning to the kitchen, he took out the mug and dipped his finger into it to check the temperature. He then placed the baby bottle into the mug to warm it. Pulling up the left sleeve of his light grey sweatshirt, he squirted some of the formula onto his inner wrist to ensure it wasn’t too hot.

Aki placed the bottle, a dark blue bib, and a white cloth on the floor table before entering the baby's room. He turned on the light and walked towards the wooden crib. The dark-haired baby dressed in a light blue long-sleeved onesie was still crying with clenched fists. Aki picked him up and held him close to his chest, cradling the back of his head.

“Good morning, Taiyo,” he said in a calm and sweet voice. “Let’s have some breakfast.”

Aki carried the crying child out of the bedroom, shutting the light off on the way out. He sat on a cushion in front of the low table with his legs loosely crossed. He placed Taiyo between his legs and put on his bib. He then cradled him in his arms and waited for him to latch onto the bottle’s nipple. Finally, at ease, Taiyo opened his bright blue eyes, just like the ones looking down at him. Everyone said Taiyo looked exactly like his father, but he argued he looked more like the original Taiyo. He choose to name his son after his late little brother to honor and remember him. You loved the idea and hoped that it would give him some closure.

Taiyo held onto his bottle, but Aki kept a firm grasp on it to control the flow of formula. He tilted it back, giving his baby a break, and then forward again, repeating the process throughout the feeding. Aki then held him over his shoulder and gently patted his back to make him burp. He rubbed Taiyo’s back after every few pats to soothe him. After a few burps, Aki placed Taiyo between his legs, removed his bib, and then took him back to his bedroom.

After flicking on the light, he momentarily placed him into his crib to prepare the changing station. A light blue blanket with yellow ducks was spread out on the floor. A fresh diaper, wipes, and a disposal bag were placed on the side. Aki rolled up both sleeves and took Taiyo out of his crib. Placing him onto the blanket, he unbuttoned his onesie and removed it to ensure it wouldn’t get dirty. He then undid the diaper and was hit with the full force of a foul odor he was used to at this point. He held Taiyo’s legs with one hand and wiped him with the other without a change in his expression.

The dirty diaper was then wrapped tightly and placed into the plastic bag. Aki used a wipe for his hands before blowing air onto Taiyo’s exposed tummy. He giggled and happily shook his little arms while Aki smiled and repeated the action. After being redressed, Taiyo was placed back in his crib.

Aki returned to the kitchen with the dirty diaper bag and threw it in the garbage. He then washed his hands and poured out the water left in the mug. He grabbed the dirty bottle from the floor table and washed it. He filled the kettle with tap water and placed it on the stovetop. While it boiled, he went into the bathroom to use the toilet and then splashed cold water onto his face. He squeezed toothpaste onto his toothbrush and looked straight into the mirror while brushing. When he returned to the kitchen, he turned off the stovetop to let the water cool for 30 minutes.

Before you woke up, your husband had a lot to do, starting with preparing your bento box. Every day, you went into the office with a delicious and nutritious lunch that your husband made. Many other women were jealous of your lovely little bento box and complained that their husbands didn’t do that for them. Aki took pride in what he prepared you; you could taste his love in every bite. He was the same way with preparing dinner, which was usually ready when you came home. He would even make a sweet treat to share after the meal if he had some extra time.

Aki put on his dark red apron and repeatedly washed a cup of rice. He made sure the water ran clear before putting the rice into the rice cooker. He then poured panko onto a plate and put cooking oil into a pan. He opened the refrigerator to get eggs and a package of boneless chicken while the oil heated up. Two eggs were whisked in a bowl using chopsticks. The chicken, now coated in the egg mixture, was covered in panko before being transferred into the hot oil. Aki listened carefully to the sound of the chicken sizzling and crackling while washing the vegetables. He flipped the chicken over when ready and put the vegetables into another pan.

Aki carefully packed the cooked rice into your bento box, placing the sliced chicken on top and the vegetables on the side. After putting it into the refrigerator, he prepared four bottles of formula, carefully measuring the powder, and then poured the warm water into each bottle. He made sure they were all exactly 6 ounces and then put them into the refrigerator as well.

Aki refilled the kettle with water and set it to boil while he washed the pots and pans he used to make your lunch. You always appreciated how he kept everything clean. Finally, he ground the coffee beans manually and put them into a filter above the coffee pot. You awoke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and went into the kitchen to wrap your arms around your husband from behind. He poured the water steadily as coffee slowly dripped into the pot.

“Good morning, Aki,” you said cheerfully. “Can I have my good morning kiss?”

“Go brush your teeth, and I’ll give you a kiss.”

You released your husband with a giggle and then went to the bathroom to use the toilet and brush your teeth. He poured you a cup of coffee and left it for you on the floor table. He then got several eggs from the refrigerator and beat them in a bowl. He poured the egg mixture into a square pan, which he rolled using a spatula. When you returned to the kitchen, he turned toward you and gave you a peck on the lips. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him down in a demand for more. He allowed you to slip your tongue past his lips and moaned softly. You did this every morning, and it still caught him off guard. Parting from him, you cupped his jaw with both hands and looked into his eyes lovingly.

“Marry me,” you said softly.

“I did.”

“Marry me again.”

Aki smiled softly and met you halfway for another passionate kiss. The eggs in the pan started to brown at the bottom. When Aki realized he had left the eggs unattended, he ripped himself away from you and turned toward the pan.

“Shit! My eggs!”

He quickly turned the rolled omelet over to save it from burning and poured more egg mixture into the pan. You smiled softly and then went into your baby’s bedroom. After turning on the light, you approached his crib and scooped him up into your arms.

“Good morning, Taiyo,” you said sweetly. “Did Daddy feed and change you?”

The beautiful baby boy reached up toward you, cooing softly in response. You smiled and carried him into the kitchen as Aki plated the rolled omelet.

“Whose that?” You asked, pointing to Aki. “Is that Daddy?”

Aki glanced up and smiled while Taiyo reached toward him while babbling. He then brought the plate to the rice cooker, where some rice was left over.

“Can you say, ‘dada?’” You asked Taiyo. “Say ‘dada.’”

Taiyo continued to babble as Aki opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of ketchup. He squeezed a squiggly line of ketchup over your egg just how you liked it and then returned the ketchup bottle to the refrigerator. You lifted Taiyo above your head, and he reached out to touch your face.

“Can you say, ‘mama?’” You asked Taiyo. “Say, ‘mama.’”

“He’s not going to be able to talk for a while.”

“Oh yeah? Watch him say his first word while I’m at work…”

“If that happens, I’ll call you.”

“It’s not the same as being there…”

You lowered Taiyo as Aki brought your plate over to the floor table along with a pair of chopsticks. He then came to take Taiyo from your arms so you could eat.

“You’re not going to miss anything,” Aki assured you. “So don’t worry.”

You smiled softly and then looked down at Taiyo, babbling nonstop. Gently, you brushed aside his bangs to admire him, while Aki admired you and your smile.

“Daddy takes good care of both of us,” you told Taiyo. “He makes sure we’re both fed and happy.”

You tapped Taiyo’s nose, making him giggle, and then tapped Aki’s nose, making him chuckle breathlessly. While you went to eat your breakfast at the floor table, Aki put Taiyo in the baby bouncer. Some toys were dangling from the overhead to keep him entertained for a little while. He then returned to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. You cut into the omelet with your chopsticks and then brought a piece to your mouth. It was delicious as usual.

“So, got any exciting plans for today?” You asked Aki.

“I’m probably gonna take Taiyo to the grocery store later.”

“Heh. Have fun shopping.”

Aki took off his apron, took a well-earned sip of his coffee, and then set the mug on the counter. He went into the bedroom momentarily and returned in his open-toe slippers. After grabbing the newspaper, he picked up his mug and approached the balcony door.

“I’m gonna go out for a smoke,” Aki told you.

“I thought you said you were trying to quit.”

“I am. This is my cigarette for the day.”

Aki slid the door open and then slid it shut after stepping outside. He sat down in his white plastic chair and took his cigarette pack and lighter out of his pocket. Opening the newspaper, he reviewed the daily news and took another sip of coffee. After finishing the paper, he tapped the side of his cigarette pack to free a cigarette. Holding it between his lips, he ignited the lighter. He took a puff and blew out the smoke, holding the cigarette between his fingers. He never smoked in the apartment or near Taiyo, but the strong smell still lingered on him. For the sake of his son, he chose to quit smoking, but old habits die hard.

His mind drifted back to the past as he tapped his cigarette to shake off the ash. The smell of cigarettes would always remind him of Himeno. You would have lost Aki on that terrible day if not for her sacrifice. You came to the hospital after Himeno’s sister had left and tearfully hugged him. Sitting on the bed on your knees, you begged him over and over to quit public safety. It was Himeno’s wish for him to quit public safety and live a normal life. He was stubborn and determined to avenge his family by killing the Gun Devil. It was an impossible task, but he convinced himself he would do it or die trying. One little thing, however, changed everything. Holding both of his shoulders, you looked into his eyes while tears fell from yours.

“Aki,” you said softly, desperately. “Please— I need you— We need you.”

Your boyfriend’s eyes widened with the realization that you had been keeping a secret from him. You weren’t sure how he would react, but after he almost died, you couldn’t keep it to yourself anymore. He had to choose between avenging his family or helping you start a new one.

After blowing out another smoke cloud, Aki put out the cigarette on the ashtray. He finished his coffee before going back into the apartment. Aki handed you the newspaper, and in exchange, you gave him the clean plate with a soft, “thank you.” Aki washed the dishes and pots while you finished your morning coffee. There was a story about the Gun Devil in the newspaper that you were certain Aki had read. You glanced up at him, but you couldn’t read his expression. He seemed calm and focused as usual. Taiyo continued to bounce and shake his arms while babbling.

“Aki,” you said.

“Yeah?”

There was a lot you wanted to say, but it would make little difference. You knew there would always still be a part of him that would want to be out there chasing the Gun Devil instead of washing dishes and changing diapers.

“Nothing… Never mind.”

You finished your coffee and then got up to hand him your empty mug. While he washed it, you kissed him on the cheek and then went into the bedroom to get dressed. He sprayed the counter, wiped it, and cleaned the floor table. You put on your business suit and wedding ring and did your makeup in the bathroom. When you exited the bathroom, Aki entered the bedroom and opened his drawer. Pushing his clothes back, he revealed his cursed sword that was no longer cursed. He had given up much of his lifespan in pursuit of revenge. You and Taiyo would only get to spend a little bit of time with him before his life expired. You tried not to think about it because you would cry if you did. Every moment spent as a family mattered.

He unsheathed the sword halfway and saw his reflection in the metal. He remembered the day he made his decision to quit public safety. He told Denji and Power before he told anyone else.

“Wait— You’re kicking us out because you knocked up your girlfriend?” Denji asked. “When did that happen!?”

Aki pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. This was a serious conversation that needed to be taken seriously.

“I am quitting public safety, so you two will be relocated.”

“Nay,” Power said, putting a hand up. “We will remain with the small human and teach it our ways.”

“First of all, I won’t have room for all of you. Second of all, Miss Makima won’t allow it.”

Denji and Power looked at each other, realizing that Aki was serious. He then put a hand on each of their shoulders and looked directly at Denji.

“But I want you to promise me something,” Aki said, dead serious. “Promise me that you will kill the Gun Devil. I don’t care how long it takes— just make sure it’s done.”

In the present, Aki sheathed the blade and then hid it underneath his clothes again. He then picked out a dark blue long-sleeve shirt, casual grey pants, and white socks. In the bathroom, he put his hair into a topknot and smoothed out the top while looking in the mirror. You opened the refrigerator to get your bento box as Aki came to take Taiyo out of the bouncer. After putting your purse over your shoulder, you went to the door, and Aki followed.

“See you later,” you said to Aki. “Have a good day.”

“You too.”

You cupped his cheek and kissed him before kissing Taiyo on the forehead. Aki grabbed his little wrist and made him wave as you waved back. After you left, he shut the door and lifted Taiyo above his head.

“You know the routine,” he told Taiyo. “Chores first, then we’ll play for a little and do some shopping.”

Taiyo responded with a series of incomprehensible coos before his father put him into his playpen. He grabbed his rattle, full of colorful balls, and shook it. Aki kept his ears open, listening to the sounds of a happy baby while he dumped the laundry into the washing machine. He then measured the correct amount of detergent powder and set it to wash. While the clothes tumbled around, he began to vacuum the living area. Taiyo feared the vacuum as a newborn but became used to the noise. Aki was glad he didn’t have to turn off the vacuum anymore and console him. He became smarter and more accustomed to the world around him every day.

When the laundry finished tumbling, Aki transferred it into the drier for forty-five minutes. He then pushed the floor table out of the way and took Taiyo out of the playpen to put him on the clean floor. While on his belly, he attempted to crawl toward his father but failed to make much progress. After a little while, Aki put his hands underneath his arms and sat him upright in front of him. Then he pinched together his thumb, pinky, and ring finger while holding up his middle and index finger.

“This is bunny.”

Taiyo giggled and clapped as Aki made his hand bounce towards him. Aki smiled softly at Taiyo’s amused reaction and felt warmth inside his chest. He then added his middle finger to the other fingers, touching his thumb and bending his index finger.

“This is a dog.”

Taiyo giggled again as his father demonstrated the sound a dog makes. After that, he raised his index finger and pinky while keeping the other fingers together.

“This is a fox.”

Taiyo giggled a third time, but Aki’s relaxed smile faded as he stared at his hand. There was no response to the symbol that once summoned the Fox Devil. Contracts with devils were a thing of the past.

Aki changed their game to peek-a-boo, which entertained Taiyo just as well. When the laundry was drying, he placed him back into the playpen to entertain himself. He listened for the sound of the rattle while he folded the clothes. The smell of fresh laundry was such a delight. A sudden cry then cut through the air, making Aki leave the laundry room immediately. Picking up Taiyo, he felt his soggy diaper and brought him to his bedroom to change him.

Since Taiyo was already undressed he decided to get him ready for the day. After wiping his hands he opened the drawer full of baby clothes. He put him in a light blue shirt, jean overalls, and white socks. In the bathroom, Aki held Taiyo firmly on the edge of the sink with one hand while he brushed his hair with the other. He cooed and leaned in to try to touch the mirror, but Aki kept him in place. Naturally, he was fascinated with his own reflection. Taking the hair tie between his teeth, he gathered Taiyo’s hair to put it in a tiny topknot. Taiyo looked into the mirror and pointed while babbling nonsense.

“Yeah,” Aki said, as if he understood him. “That’s you and me.”

Aki allowed Taiyo to stare into the mirror briefly before bringing him back into the living area. He placed him on the floor to put on his dark blue canvas sneakers. He then put on his almost identical canvas sneakers and tied them. Holding Taiyo with one arm, he got his wallet, keys, cigarette pack, lighter, and wedding ring. He decided to finish folding the laundry later when Taiyo took his nap. Going to the grocery store when they first opened guaranteed good produce. He preferred to go in the morning or afternoon instead of after work like he used to. After he strapped Taiyo into the car seat, he gave him a ring of colorful plastic keys. The baby happily shook the keys as he drove to the grocery store.

Taiyo was placed into the shopping cart facing outward as Aki pushed it. He picked up some carrots in the produce section and showed them to Taiyo. He also showed him apples and pears before putting them into the cart. He picked up a small tangerine and let Taiyo hold it for a second. He happily kicked his little legs in the cart. All of the colors and shapes were so exciting to him. A simple trip to the grocery store was a stimulating and educational experience. On other days, Aki took him to the park, where he saw dogs, birds, and bicyclists. The world was brighter and more exciting through the eyes of his son.

Aki put his items on the conveyor belt, and Taiyo reached out to help. His soft coos and adorable hairstyle stole the heart of the cashier.

“Aww, what a cute baby,” the cashier said. “He looks just like you!”

“Thank you,” Aki said politely. “We… Get that a lot...”

Aki looked averted his gaze with a light blush as the cashier continued to gush over his son. He was always attractive to women, but somehow, Taiyo made him seem even more attractive. It was just so heartwarming to see a loving father taking care of his little look-alike.

Once he loaded the car with groceries, he put Taiyo into his car seat and drove home. He momentarily left him in his car seat while bringing groceries into the apartment. Taking him out of the car seat, he carried him into the apartment and put him on the floor to take off his shoes. He then placed Taiyo into the playpen to put the groceries away. He washed, peeled, and chopped the carrots before pushing them into a pot of boiling water. Opening the refrigerator, he got a bottle of formula and waited for the carrots to soften. He then put the formula and carrots into the blender until it became a smooth puree. Some of it went into a bowl, while the rest went into the refrigerator.

Aki held Taiyo between his legs and put on his bib before attempting to feed him some of the homemade baby food. Only recently was he introduced to foods other than formula. He didn’t like green vegetables, and Aki had to learn that the hard way. The carrots were his favorite, along with apples. When Aki brought the spoon to his mouth, he opened it wide.

“Good job,” he said, encouraging him.

Aki continued to feed his son until the small bowl was empty. He then put him over his shoulder and gently rubbed his back. Bringing him into his bedroom, he took off his overalls and placed him into his crib for a nap. After turning off the light, he returned to the laundry room to finish folding the clothes. He then went into the kitchen to start making his lunch. He chopped some onions and potatoes, and the phone rang. Taiyo began to cry, and Aki cursed under his breath. He picked up the phone and held it against his shoulder and ear.

“Yeah?” He said, a little annoyed.

“Hi honey,” you said. “How’s it going?”

“I just put Taiyo down for a nap.”

“Oh… Did I wake him up?”

“It’s okay, we’ll talk later.”

Aki rushed you off the phone to go soothe Taiyo by bouncing him his arms. He then put him back into his crib and resumed making his lunch. He called you back and held the phone against his shoulder and ear again.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m sorry about that.”

“I… I understand… You have a lot to do.”

“How’s work going? Is your boss still an asshole?”

“Heh. Yeah.”

“Well fuck him.”

You smiled softly, feeling his support. When you wanted to rant about your day over a beer or two at dinner, he let you.

“What are you doing now?” You asked him.

“I’m making curry.”

“I love your curry.”

“Just my curry? You don’t love me?”

“Of course I love you! I love you and everything you do!”

He smiled softly, feeling your love. A moment of silence passed as you nervously twirled the phone cord with a finger.

“Aki… Can I ask you a question?”

“What is it?”

“Do you resent me for making you quit public safety?”

He paused.

“No.”

You paused.

“Do you honestly think I miss hunting devils?” He asked you. “I never enjoyed it— I did it for one reason and one reason only.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Look— I can’t be out there hunting the Gun Devil and here taking care of my family. A lot of people have told me to quit, but you’re the only one who gave me a new reason to live. Don’t ever apologize for it.”

You started to tear up as you looked down at your bento box. Aki leaned against the counter while you wiped your eyes with your arm.

“I… I’m going to have my lunch now,” you told him. “It looks delicious…”

“Enjoy it. Not sure what I’m making for dinner yet…”

“You’ll think of something… I’m sure.”

Aki said goodbye to you and then hung up the phone as you began to eat your lunch. He left the kitchen momentarily to go out onto the balcony. The whole conversation left him tense and in need of relief. He placed a cigarette between his lips and held his lighter. He flicked it several times, but it did not ignite. Leaning against the balcony railing, he looked out at the city. He wondered how Denji and Power were doing without him. He wondered how you would do without him and if Taiyo would remember him. He then took the unlit cigarette out of his mouth and flicked it off the balcony. Turning, he went back into the apartment to continue making lunch for himself.

[asofterchainsaw]

I will try not to hug him too hard. (x)

[hikikomoriheadphonegirl]

[cd-i]

Don’t open the door.

- “Now my life has finally…finally…gotten kinda fun.”

Why do you know my name?

“How come you’re crying? I’ve never…seen you cry before”

// Here’s some stuff from December and Jan-feb. I just finished the first painting tonight tho. I know there’s a lot of mistakes but I’ve been studying a lot with art and I think I see some improvements <3 sorry for the angst. Gun fiend aki is hot sorry

[kemakoshume]

Equal Exchange ❀ — aki x angel (csm) pt. 2/2

Concept: Sex worker Angel Devil; frequent patron and full-time devil hunter Aki Hayakawa. Angel “I do not dream of labor” Devil makes money for "easy" work by entertaining human desires for cash. Aki finds solace in Angel’s embrace.

aka: an AU where Aki’s coping mechanisms are slightly more maladaptive, and Angel isn’t a devil hunter.

Warnings: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Arguing, Angst & Smut, Hurt/comfort, Survivors Guilt, Healing, Semi-public sex, Actual Public Sex.

tw: pistachio ice cream & denji being the voice of reason

a/n: I tried to keep explicit spoilers to a minimum, but there is (1) pretty major spoiler from the Katana Man arc, so anime-onlys… beware. This ch starts off with a pretty intense argument, but things get better.

rough vision board/mood board: here; also on ao3 (this just hit 100 kudos there, yay) ~ [part one (7k words); part two (8k words)] enjoy! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Six months after Aki met Angel, something happened to Aki that was very bad.

He never really told Angel all of the details, not even now, but from what he did tell the devil, Angel could tell the event had been capital-B bad. Nearly an entire division of the Public Safety Devil Hunters was gone; more blood spilled and lives lost than Aki could have ever begun to summarize, and the devil hunter was spiraling. It happened so fast, so out of left field, that Angel obviously didn’t know what to do. Aki knew he had no real context to understand, and he was cruel anyway.

“I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong, Taiyo,” Angel said, trailing behind Aki as he went down to the basement two steps at a time.

Angel panted as he followed, Aki’s height a welcome advantage as the devil fell behind. Aki couldn’t stand hearing his brother's name at that moment. It was another reminder, another dig of the knife in the wound that he’d allowed to grow—to carve him hollow and make room for more pain he didn’t know how to cope with. He felt sick. He wanted to answer Angel, to explain and stop that look from being etched into the devil’s face, but he couldn’t. Not when the devil kept saying a name that wasn’t his with that tone of concern. Not when the name was of a loved one he had lost. Not when all he wanted was to not feel anything.

“Taiyo,” Angel called again, looking around the boxes housed in the basement. He found Aki sooner than later, running over to stand in front of the devil hunter. “Taiyo. You… what’s wrong?”

Aki huffed, trying and failing to keep his breath steady before the dam burst.

“That’s not my fucking name!” Aki yelled, grabbing Angel by the sleeves of his shirt. The tremble in his hands shook the devil, and his expression must have been miserable if Angel’s reflecting back at him was any indication. Aki walked forward, crowding into the smaller man’s space as he pushed him against one of the many sticker-covered walls. He slapped his hand against the wall next to Angel’s head, his voice thick as he fought to say the words that had been lodged in his chest for weeks. “It’s Aki. My name is Aki. Don’t… don’t call me Taiyo anymore. It’s not my name.”

Angel looked at him with an expression that Aki couldn’t decipher, his body rigid and his halo dim before he relaxed, just enough to get out his words. Aki knew the devil could hurt him—kill him, even—if he was scared, and part of him deflated when the devil didn’t do anything to push him away.

“Well, hello, Aki. It’s a nice name. It suits you.” Angel’s face softened, though his body was still stiff as he covered his hand with his sleeve to touch Aki’s face.

Aki wanted so badly to melt into it, to enjoy Angel’s touch, but he couldn’t. The guilt crept up his throat like acid after a heavy meal, and he couldn’t help the venom that came out of his mouth as a result. He huffed out a laugh, dry and vacant in the middle where sincerity should be as he stared at the devil.

“Fuckin’ devil complimenting my name. A devil I’ve been basically fucking; using my dead brother’s name. Why are you pretending to care? Devils don’t care,” Aki said, roughly rubbing his hands down his face as he paced. “What the fuck am I doing? Why the fuck am I—you! What the fuck are you doing to me, huh? You, Denji, Power, and all the other devils that have wormed their sick, fucked up little hands into my life.”

He stomped toward Angel, pressing closer to the devil until his back was against the wall. Angel lowered his head, though his fists were clenched at his sides. Angel felt his resolve crumble as Angel looked up at him with nothing, not even anger, in his eyes. He just saw hurt. He was the one hurting the devil, not the other way around.

“I,” Aki said, tripping over his words. “Angel, I just need to feel anything else. Anything else, please? Help me. Touch me and tell me if I deserve to be here or not. I don’t think I deserve it. I don’t deserve to be here when they aren’t. I don’t deserve to be here when everyone else is already gone. I can’t do this alone.”

Angel shushed him, letting the man cage him in, careful not to let him touch when the tears began to run down the devil hunter’s cheeks.

“You aren’t alone, Aki,” Angel said, his voice thick as he dried Aki’s tears. “I’m sorry for your loss, but you know this won’t help. You know it.”

After the tears slowed, Aki looked down at Angel, angry and heartbroken and so—so—frustrated, and he leaned in to kiss him. Angel moved, slipping away from the devil hunter before he could trap him against the wall with his body. Angel knew well what Aki intended to do; he could see it in his face, in the dimness of his sapphire-blue eyes.

“No,” Angel said firmly, backing away when Aki tried to enter his space again. “Aki, I said no.”

Aki stared at Angel, the devil’s face flickering back and forth from confusion to anger to sadness, over and over again in seconds. Angel sighed, frustration clear in his tone.

“If you want to kill yourself, fine. You can’t use me to do it. I refuse—from here on,” Angel said, his voice wavering. “You feel guilty. Okay. I get that, but for what? For living? Why? How is it selfish to be alive, Aki? Doing this with me—letting me take your life away—it’s… it’s wrong. It’s wrong, and it won’t bring anyone that you’ve lost back, okay? We have to be stronger than that. We need to do better. To live, okay?”

Aki settled on an emotion: anger. Seething, unbridled, uncontrolled anger as he processed what Angel was saying. He closed the space again, towering over Angel as the devil held contact with his eyes. Aki ignored how dewy Angel’s eyes looked.

“What the fuck do you know?” he said, spitting the word out with malice. “You steal people’s lifespans away without a care in the world. Your kind kills, maims, and destroys every single goddamn thing they touch. What the hell would you know about what it means to be alive? About guilt or empathy or anything else that requires a human heart to feel? You don’t know shit.”

Angel looked up at Aki through wet lashes, swallowing thickly before clearing his throat.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Aki paced around the room, simmering eventually as Angel refused to indulge him or entertain the outburst. He turned, looking at the devil picking anxiously at his fingernails, and all he could wonder was, what the fuck am I doing?

“Fuck. Fuck. I am such an asshole,” he said, knocking his clasped hands against his forehead as he found a seat on the stairwell steps below Angel, between his legs, where the devil had chosen to sit down. “I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean any of that, Angel, I swear.”

The devil looked at him so coldly, visually calculating something in his head in the moments of silence that passed before his expression cleared.

“I know. You didn’t mean it, and yeah, you are an asshole. I’m glad you’re aware now,” Angel said, visually pleased with himself when he coaxed out a smile from the devil hunter. There was still pain laced into his grin, but it was there. That was something.

“Yes. I know. I’m so sorry. I’m just… hurting, but I’m sorry.”

“I don’t forgive you,” Angel said dryly, roughly tugging a piece of shorter hair near the crown of Aki’s head. “You’ll have to be extra sweet to me to get back in my good graces. Starting with ice cream, maybe.”

Aki hummed, softening up at the touch as he leaned his head toward the devil’s hand, still not directly touching.

“Okay. I can do that. The ice cream, and doing better.”

Aki hummed. “You better.”

They sat in cumbersome silence for a while, looking at anything but each other before Aki eventually had to leave for the evening. He brought three pints of ice cream with him when he went to the bar the next day.

xx

The wall between them began to crumble after Aki told Angel his real name, and it only broke further as the two spent more time together. They indulged in untapped secrets and details about their lives outside of the four walls they’d grown accustomed to at the bar, and Aki found himself craving Angel’s touch, albeit in a different way.

“I think… you want to fuck me, and you’re being really coy about it for some reason,” Aki said, sinking a striped ball into a hole in the pool table they’d taken ownership of for the hour. Angel laughed, using his hand to knock a pool ball against one of Aki’s, pushing it further away from the hole than it’d been.

“I think… you’re delusional, or maybe just projecting. If you ask me really nicely, I might think about entertaining your desires.”

Aki chuckled, maneuvering a ball past Angel’s hand, only for the devil to catch it anyway, pushing himself further onto the pool table.

Aki gave Angel a look, rounding the table to slide one long leg between Angel’s spread ones, looking down at the devil where he sat on the edge of the pool table.

“You’re a cheater, and a tease.”

“I am not. You’re just… so annoying, ” Angel said halfheartedly, taking Aki’s pool cue out of his hand before jumping down from the table. He turned, pushing his ass against Aki as he sank a solid-colored ball in the hole. He glanced over his shoulder, sauntering off to hit his next one on the other side of the pool table.

“I prefer the term charming,” Aki said, following the devil.

Angel rolled his eyes, dragging his hand across the fuzzy billiard cloth before positioning for another play.

“I would prefer not to kill you by accident.”

Aki smirked. “As opposed to on purpose?”

Angel rolled his eyes harder, sinking the eight ball after a string of successful plays.

“No more death touches—we promised. Guess you’ll have to figure something out.”

Aki bought his first pair of gloves a few weeks after that, custom fit to the shape of his large hands.

“What are those for?” Angel asked, sipping Aki’s brand of beer when the devil hunter slipped on the pair. They were in their own little bubble in a half-hidden corner of the bar, shielded a bit by tall fake foliage and away from the crowd near the stairwell that led to the bottom level.

“These are so I can touch you all over,” he replied, practically purring.

Angel stared at him, dumbfounded, as he continued sipping at his now empty drink cup.

“What?”

Aki met his gaze, pausing for a moment before checking the stretch of the gloves.

“Yeah. Your abilities don’t work through clothing, right?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“I mean… no. I just didn’t think that you… you know, meant all of that.”

“Well, I did,” Aki said teasingly, caressing Angel’s cheek with his now-covered thumb. “I love watching you, but I want to touch you, too, as intimately as I can. You’ve done all you can to make me feel good, to help me feel better. I want you to feel good too, Angel. An equal exchange, remember?”

Angel stared at him, his eyes flicking back and forth from Aki’s eyes to his lips.

“How long have you been thinking about this?”

Aki slipped his thumb into his mouth. The devil lapped at the digit with his tongue, letting Aki caress his tongue and teeth before removing his finger; spreading some of Angel’s spit against his lips.

“Way too long to just now be doing something about it.”

If anyone ever asked Aki if he started that night with the intention of giving Angel a handjob in public, he’d say no, because he didn’t. Did it happen anyway? Yes, and if you confronted him about it, he wouldn’t even pretend to feel a lick of shame.

“We could go downstairs,” Angel said, biting his lip to keep his noises at bay. Aki had moved to sit next to him, caressing his cock through the fabric of his skirt—straining against the black stockings he’d put on underneath.

Angel wasn’t what Aki would define as traditionally feminine, not necessarily. Still, the devil was gorgeous and often seemed confused by the rigidity of human ideology when it came to what gender should wear what clothing. It was so stupid, he’d told Aki, how ridiculous humans could be about self-expression. They’d had that talk the night the devil hunter punched a guy in the bar over Angel when the guy called him a very human slur. Angel let Aki play with the sensitive feathers on his wings until he came after that.

“You want to go downstairs? You look so pretty trying to keep quiet, though.”

Aki nuzzled his nose against Angel’s hair, careful not to touch his scalp as he tapped his finger against the wet spot of precum dripping from the devil’s slit. He pinched the head through the fabric, pushing his palm firmly back and forth to move the thin skin covering Angel’s length. The teasing didn’t last very long, given how hopelessly turned on the whole ordeal made Aki. He wanted Angel so badly, more than he’d ever wanted anything else in his life. The devil made Makima feel like a schoolyard crush; this was real. He’d never felt something more real.

“Can you come like this, baby?” Aki asked, pushing up Angel’s skirt just enough to slide him out of the confining fabric beneath.

Suppose anyone came around to sit in front of them at their table or looked over from a high enough vantage point at the bar. In that case, they’d easily notice Aki’s hand working beneath the fabric, his shoulder moving with an unmistakable motion. They’d see Angel trying and failing to contain the small noises spilling from his mouth as his head rested on Aki’s shirt, only concealed by the music coming from the overhead speakers and the loud chatter of patrons pouring in. Aki watched Angel peek over his shoulder, shutting his eyes as he ducked his head against Aki’s chest before he came, covering the inside of his skirt in sloppy wet come.

Once the high came down and Angel chugged a beer, he turned back toward Aki.

“Your turn,” the devil said, moving faster than Aki had ever seen as he headed towards the stairwell, dragging Aki along in his haste to get out of sight.

They didn’t even make it to the bathroom before Angel was bending himself over a stack of boxes in the basement, pushing his skirt up over his hips as he presented himself to Aki.

“God, you’re such a slut. How does a devil even get like that, huh?” Aki said, two seconds before ripping a hole in Angel’s tights.

He marveled at the devil’s hole on display for him, puckered and pink in a beautiful contrast to the dark fabric protecting his skin around it. He fumbled with the lube he’d stashed in his pocket before pressing one lubed finger, then two, into Angel.

“Fuck,” the devil said, eliciting a little chuckle from Aki.

“Fuck? It feels that good baby?” Aki teased, hooking his finger to press against Angel’s prostate.

The devil moaned, surprisingly loud in the isolated space. He started subconsciously fluttering his wings, arching his back further against the boxes as his cock slowly progressed toward full hardness again.

“Stop teasing,” the devil whined, pushing his hips back against Aki’s hand.

Aki didn’t prolong things—too on edge and too lustful to delay it any longer. It’d been months—months—that he’d thought about doing this with the devil. Every time Angel wore a skirt, pretty and frilly even when they were black; every time the devil looked him in the eyes and read him like he’d been given the blueprint to Aki’s soul; every time they shared a nearly there touch or watched each other get off since they’d decided to do things a better way, without indulging Aki in hurting—punishing—himself. He wanted so badly. He needed Angel so badly.

“Tell me if it hurts,” he said, hastily putting on a condom that he’d had stashed in his wallet for far too long.

He pushed forward, sinking into Angel with a groan when his hips met the subtle curve of Angel’s ass. They were protected through maybe too many layers of clothing, but Aki loved it. It felt so dirty like that. They were so desperate for each other that they couldn’t even get their clothes off in the neon lighting of the bar basement. Part of him ached to feel Angel’s skin as he gripped his hips, fucking into him so hard with the missing resounding sound of skin against skin, but it was good—so good—inside of the devil’s tight heat. Aki couldn’t be blamed for how long he lasted.

“I’m gonna come, Angel,” he said, reaching beneath Angel to grab his cock, jerking the devil in time with his thrusts.

His voice was deep and gruff as he came, groaning as he emptied himself inside of Angel, his cock twitching as he poured more and more come into the condom separating them. The devil followed close behind, fucking himself into Aki’s hand as his second orgasm came crashing down on him.

They held their position for a while, even after Aki moved to slide his cock out; Angel held him in place, looking over his shoulder to smile at the devil hunter. Aki hunched over the devil, putting them at eye level and just looked at him for a while. Their stares lingered for a breath too long, and Aki kissed him, holding the back of Angel’s head steady when he started to push Aki away. He let it continue for one more moment, and when the kiss was over, Aki rested his head against the crown of Angel’s head, protected by the thick tendrils of hair.

“Don’t tell me how long that was. I don’t want to know. I just needed to feel you this way, one last time.”

Angel closed his eyes, soaking in the thinly veiled touch.

“Okay. That was the last time.”

xx

“If those two idiots don’t get their shit together, I’m going to lose my mind.”

Angel chuckled, plucking away the cigarette hanging out of Aki’s mouth. They were sitting on the rooftop of the bar, a small makeshift area for smoking that doubled as an unkempt garden. It’d been eight months, give or take a few weeks, and things in Aki’s life had been okay for the most part—minus one aspect of it.

“Just tell them to leave then,” Angel said, taking a long drag. “I know your boss is intense or whatever, but if it’s that bad, then maybe she’ll put them on someone else; give you a break for once. They’ve been living with you for almost a year now.”

Aki groaned, turning Angel’s face towards his with his sleeve-covered wrist. It was a weekend, and he wore a simple long-sleeve black shirt, oversized on his lean frame, and black jeans. His earrings were some dangly number Power harassed him into wearing, and his shoes were some fancy brand that Himeno bought.

“You wouldn’t get it,” he said, breathing in Angel’s air when he blew out the cigarette smoke. Angel turned it toward him, letting him get a good hit before commandeering it again. Aki let him; he had more. “I have to do this—hunt devils. I can’t find him if I don’t, and I can only gather enough intel and resources to do that in public safety. It’s a lose-lose situation.”

Angel scoffed, tugging a strand of Aki’s hair that was blowing into his face from the light breeze. Aki groaned, scratching his fingernails lightly over Angel’s wings, laughing with the devil when they retracted inward from the ticklish sensation. They both let the laughter fade, drinking sips from a shared beer and whittling down Aki’s pack of cigarettes.

“You know, for someone who swore up and down that they don’t like devils, you sure do seem to have a lot of them around—me included. I think you’re pretending.”

Aki chuckled, bitter and dry.

“No, I meant it. I just don’t mean it about you. I mean… those kinds—the ones who cause chaos just because and kill for the thrill of it. The kind who murdered my family. They’re what I hate. Not you.”

Angel blinked at Aki, taking another drag of the cigarette before giving it back.

“That sounds a little racist, actually, but I get it. I’ll let it slide.”

Aki snorted, choking on a mouthful of smoke.

“Raci—. That’s not—”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. That’s not how you meant it,” Angel said, smirking. “Aki, if these roommates of yours died tomorrow, how would you feel?”

Aki’s smile waned as he pondered it, sitting with the thought for a moment as he imagined his apartment empty. No Denji, no Power, and no other life within the space except for the thriving Parlor Palm plant on his living room balcony. There was a hollowness in his chest and his stomach when he let the thought linger too long. That if they were to die, that emptiness would never go away. It would fester like an untreated wound that sunk down to the bone.

“I don’t know. It would hurt, I guess,” he admitted, taking the new cigarette Angel had fished from his pocket out of the devil’s hand. “It would hurt a lot. I don’t think I could do this anymore without them around.”

Angel smiled softly, kicking his feet where they hung far from the ground on the rooftop’s edge. “If I died, how would you feel about it?”

Aki turned, looking at Angel’s face as the devil stared at the city in front of them. He looked beautiful, and Aki’s chest ached at the thought of never seeing him again—of never getting to speak to him again. Another hole would be left in his life; carving him out until nothing was left.

“Honestly?” he said, taking a deep drag. “My wallet would feel pretty grateful. I’ve never spent so much on booze in my life.” Aki chuckled, dodging the swat of Angel’s hand when it came for him.

“I’m serious,” Angel said, a hint of a whine present in his tone. He knocked his elbow against Aki’s arm, scooting a bit closer when a chill came through with the breeze. “How would you feel?”

Aki looked at him seriously, digging into his pocket to take out one of his gloves. He balanced the cigarette in his mouth as he slid it on, sucking on it like one of those thick sickly-sweet ice cream shakes that Angel loved, and he took the devil’s hand.

“It would hurt. It would hurt like hell. Don’t really know what I’d do with myself,” he said, smoking the cigarette down to the filter, “but don’t let that get to your head. I just… feel a lot of things sometimes. It doesn’t mean I like you.”

Angel chuckled, rubbing his fingers against the rough texture of Aki’s glove.

“Oh, of course not. Don’t worry, I don’t have the wrong idea,” Angel said, a smile cemented onto his face. “Well then, I’ll take that. Life’s all about the little things, after all.”

xx

One consequence of old bars is their bizarre love of theme nights. Fridays at Aki’s bar were—unfortunately—couples’ nights. The specials advertised half-price off spirits and brews for the lucky duos. He’d heard murmurs before that it was a good time, even for singles, but Aki normally skipped Fridays. It was his day to compile his reports and deliver them to Makima before the weekend. His hands were always cramped by the end of it, and he could literally feel the week wearing down on his joints. That Friday had been an off day, though.

His reports were short, simple, and quick to fill out, with minimal casualties to report. Denji and Power informed him that they were going out for the night, safe within the public safety-sanctioned boundaries that the knuckleheads were allowed to venture freely in. It felt weird being the only one at home. He’d grown used to the constant chaos within his abode and felt bizarre without the constant flow of bickering, laughing, and microwave sounds. So, he decided to go out.

Ignoring the calendar and the time on his phone, he left his house, dressed in a casual ensemble that he was actually proud of putting together. It was nice to be out of his work clothing, free of the second skin that built up the bulk of who he was. It felt strangely right as he walked out of his apartment block, his hair blowing with the flow of the wind as he headed to the bar for the first time in fourteen days.

“Wow,” the bartender said when he stepped into her domain, giving Aki a little clap as she came to his side of the bar. “Damn, baby. You clean up really nice.”

Aki chuckled, ducking his head to hide the blush creeping onto his face. His hair covered the red tint on his ears.

“So you’re saying I don’t look this good every day?” he said teasingly, tapering into a laugh as he lit a cigarette. The bartender gave him a beer to go with it, and all felt right as he melted into the bar stool. The relaxation was short-lived as a small commotion from the main area of the bar caught his attention, as well as everyone else sitting around him. When he saw a halo standing out in the crowd, he jumped out of his seat—his cigarette and drink abandoned on the bar. He shuffled through the group of people gathered around the dance floor and stopped in his tracks next to Angel—who was safe and sound—as they both looked at the sight.

A couple was in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by at least half of the bar as they danced. It wasn’t poise or sophisticated or anything special, but it was so visceral how much fun the two were having. They had total trust in each other as they spun around, twirling each other and swaying to the beat of some rock song that Aki didn’t know the name of. They were looking into each other’s eyes, dancing like nothing else in the world mattered.

Angel looked up at Aki, bumping into the devil hunter with his hip as they watched the couples around them start dancing, too.

“Do you dance?” Angel asked, getting a little closer to Aki as the dance floor got a little more crowded. They shuffled themselves a bit further away from the herd as they talked, despite Angel wearing long sleeves; they didn’t want any accidents.

“I can’t say it’s ever really been my thing,” Aki said, visibly shrinking in on himself as he watched the crowd. They were having fun, he thought, despite all the horrors of the world.

Angel swayed side to side a bit, laughing when Aki looked down at him like he’d grown a third head.

“What?” he said, snapping his fingers a little in time with the music. When the song instructed the crowd to clap, he clapped.

“Are devils secretly into dancing or something?” Aki said, thinking back on the little dances he’d frequently seen Power and Denji making up in their free time, even when there was no music to dance to.

Angel shrugged, his closed-mouth smile turning into an open one as he pushed some hair back behind his ear. He did it when he was either too hot—temperature and aesthetics-wise—or when he was feeling shy. The Cheshire cat couldn’t have rivaled how big Aki smiled when he realized it was the latter.

“Just shut up and dance with me,” Angel grumbled, pulling his sleeves down over his hands before he grabbed Aki’s wrists. “It won’t kill your cool guy persona to dance a little. No one here’s gonna judge you.”

Aki squinted, glancing over at the bar where their bartender was absolutely looking over at them, playful judgment plentiful and prepared on her tongue for when they came back to the bar. Angel looked back over his shoulder and saw her too, and his cheeks tinted pink from how hard he laughed.

“Okay, okay. Touche, maybe one person will judge you, but only a little.”

Aki felt his resolve crumble like sand, loose and shapeless beneath his feet. Like it, the effects of that night would linger on him for a long time. Every time he put on that outfit again, or heard that song, or saw Angel smile; he would think of that night with him, dancing at the bar, holding each other’s wrists as they swayed to the music.

“See? Living isn’t really that bad.”

xx

Aki walked into the bar midday on a Wednesday, eleven months after meeting Angel. He kicked snow off of his boots as he entered the familiar establishment. Makima suggested that he take the rest of the day off, and it would be remiss for him to decline such a kind offer. He separated from his division as they stood at a crime scene. Blood and snow mixed in the street, white mixed with bright splotches of red after a devil terrorized a small neighborhood.

Aki felt fine as he left, unsure of what exactly everyone was staring at him for, but he couldn’t concern himself with it. He was given the day off, blissfully able to occupy his apartment without the unwanted additions as they dealt with the fallout, and he was going to enjoy it.

Aki entered his apartment ready to indulge in his kitchen without hungry puppies nipping at his ankles for a bite. He was going to clean and shower in his bathroom without banging interrupting him or the sound of something breaking in the living room, making him get out early. He was going to watch what he wanted on TV, and smoke cigarettes on his balcony without having to peek inside every two minutes to ensure nothing was burning down. He was going to relax. He wasn’t going to think about the day’s date. He wasn’t going to fixate on what it signified, and he’d be damned if he cried.

He made it halfway through making an omelette before throwing the half-cooked eggs in the trash and heading out the door to the bar. He sat in his usual spot, the space around him nearly vacant as he drank alone with the day shift bartender hovering nearby, paying him little attention as the man read a thick book.

Aki made it through five beers before his skin started aching for Angel. He missed the devil’s touch—the sweet salvation that the devil’s abilities gave his mind. He wanted to feel his life siphoned away. He couldn’t handle the pain of his family being gone for another year. He needed to even the score, to honor them by bringing himself closer to them. Hunting devils wasn’t enough. He had to atone for his own sin of living when their lives had been lost—stolen, by that devil. He needed Angel to come to the bar and do that for him, so he waited.

Angel wasn’t in the bar when Aki first came, and he doesn’t show up when Aki is still there during the night shift. Part of him is grateful for it, too drunk to see straight and sobbing softly in the corner of the bar by himself. He would regret it if he let himself backslide. Things with Angel were different now; better. Using the devil felt wrong. It was wrong. He had to learn how to heal on his own. To better deal with his trauma and guilt on his own.

He went home, beer filled to the brim in his body, and he slept instead. He could talk it through with Angel later. As long as nothing happened between now and the next time he saw Angel, then things would be okay. Everything was going to be okay.

xx

Aki feels awful. It’s only a few days after the first anniversary of his year with Angel, and he’s lying alone in his bedroom, chain-smoking cigarettes despite the smell soaking into his sheets. The argument they’d had the previous evening was bad for a lot of reasons; it was made worse when Aki realized that the day was meant to be special. He’d spent a year of his life getting to know Angel; learning to love not only him but all of the devils in his life. He’d spent that same amount of time learning—trying—to love himself, to love life, with the devil at his side; he’d fucked it up in a night.

His family is gone, and he’d been right to be sad about that. Then, Himeno was gone—right after the anniversary—and he was right to be sad about that, too. He knew even Angel would agree with that, but something inside of him broke when he recalled how he had talked to Angel the night prior. He wasn’t justified in that. Even thinking about using sex—something so meaningful to the person he loved, someone who could hardly be touched—against him, trying to use it as his escape… he couldn’t look at himself. He couldn’t lie to himself convincingly and say he was justified in doing that.

They say the road of grief is not a linear one; Aki knew that. It is a road full of curves and bumps and maybe even a few potholes. There are sections where the road is newly paved, with a silky black finish from freshly dried asphalt, but there are also long stretches that are ragged and disjointed, with weeds popping up in the crescent-shaped cracks. If someone were to walk up to Aki and ask him to put into words how he feels, it would be like the long stretches of county road that have been scorched by the sun, cracked under the weight of too many things running over the surface for too long.

He’s just… tired. He wants Angel, and the devil is nowhere to be found.

“Aki. Aki, open the door.” Aki looks over at the door, pointedly ignoring it as he inhales another lungful of smoke. Denji and Power knew he was feeling bad today, and Power nearly killed them all with a “metal soup can in the microwave” situation trying to make Aki feel better that morning. He was over it.

“Aki, I will have Power come home and bust this door down. I’ll go Chainsaw mode right now, and you’ll have to buy a whole new one! We can do this the easy way or the hard way, old man.”

Aki rolls his eyes, getting up to reluctantly open the door.

“I’m not fucking old, dipshit.”

“Potato, po-ta-to, senior citizen Hayakawa. Why are you holed up in here like a stinky hermit crab? The neighbors thought we had a fire in here or something.”

Aki groans, plopping back onto his bed.

“Leave me alone, Denji.”

“Nope!” the hybrid says, plopping down next to Aki. He plucks the cigarette from his mouth, taking an experimental puff before coughing; shoving it back at the senior devil hunter. “Gross.”

Aki rolls his eyes again, tapping his foot against the floor where his legs hang off the bed.

“What do you want?”

Denji sets his hands on his stomach, intertwining them and playing with his fingers.

“Nothing, just coming to see what you’re so depressed over. You haven’t worked in two days, and you love work! Are you just playing hooky to go see whatever fine piece has been keeping you out at night for… forever now? What’s her name? What’s her ass look like? Is it big or small? Are you an ass guy or a boob guy, anyway? I could never get a good read on that about you.”

Aki groans, pressing his cigarette into the ashtray he’d sat on his bed.

“Denji, shut up.”

“I can’t be silenced,” Denji says, a touch too seriously for such a weird statement, “unless you spill the beans. Who is she? I know it’s not Himeno—RIP—and Makima’s too good for that. Power is… well, Power, and I would’ve heard you two at home by now. You always come home at night smelling like beer and sweet cream, but you’re still somehow awake on time for work. You don’t have that pissy look on your face all the time anymore. Well, except for right now, and you like… smile, sometimes. So, what gives? Girlfriend dump you? Did you have the crushing realization that she was just part of your imagination the whole time? I’ve had that dream, and when I’m done being sad about it, I just beat my d—”

“Jesus… enough!” Aki groans, his throat sore and slightly hoarse from abusing at least four packs of cigarettes in the last forty-eight hours. He sits up in the bed, looking down at Denji, who’s still lounging against the smoke-scented sheets. “I don’t have a girlfriend. He’s…” he pauses, “he’s not my girlfriend.”

Denji looks like the cat that got the cream.

“So there is someone? Tell me everything.”

Aki’s eyes ache from how hard he throws them toward the back of his skull. He gets out of bed and walks into the living room to clean the few things scattered around that the devils didn’t pick up for themselves. The apartment is surprisingly clean otherwise, Aki notes as he meanders into the kitchen with Denji hot on his trail. The devils did learn something in their time with him, after all.

“What are we? High school girls? Ladies at the salon?” Aki says, pouring himself a tall glass of water. “I don’t have to tell you shit, garden tool. Mind the business that pays you.”

“You being in top form does pay me. Well, it benefits me, I guess. We all have to be in top form; that’s what you said, right? So, what has you all bent out of shape? Who’s the mystery man? Is it Kishibe?”

Aki chokes on his water, dripping over the sink as he blows out the liquid trapped in his nose.

“Denji, fuck off.”

“I already said no!” he says, handing Aki some tissues. “Spill it! Spill it! Spill it! Spill it!”

“Okay! Fine, fuck. If it’ll make you stop talking,” Aki says, pulling the devil hybrid over to the couch. He pushes Denji onto the furniture while he floats around the space to water the few plants they’ve accumulated over the past year. He groans when he finds teeth marks in some of the leaves where Meowy has gotten too curious.

“His name is Angel. We met in a bar. I’ve been seeing him for about a year.”

Denji perks up, gripping his knees in excitement like a kindergartener.

“Okay? And…”

“And,” Aki says, gritting his teeth, “I like him a lot. He’s beautiful. He’s funny in that dry kind of way that makes you take a second to process it. He’s actually very kind, even if he acts like he’s not. He looks at the world in black and white but simultaneously sees some of the greys. Like, he calls it how he sees it but can acknowledge the bits he could be missing if there are any. He likes to dance. He makes life feel simple; much smaller but in a good way. He makes me feel like there’s more to life than this.”

Aki leaves out the devil in the details, despite other people in Public Safety being in bed with multiple fiends. Aki just… didn’t want to deal with the drama of that, for him or Angel, especially not from being outed by Denji. He would tackle that when it needed to be shared. Until then, it was his business.

“So, I’m missing where the problem comes in. Does he not want to put out? Do you not want to put out? Is he a bad kisser? It sounds like all the heart stuff is right, so what’s wrong?”

Aki sighs, dumping the leftover plant water in the flowerbed on the balcony, leaving the door open to let the air and his voice carry inside as he sits in his chair to smoke. Denji follows, sitting on the floor in the entryway to watch Aki settle in.

“The problem is me,” Aki says frankly, smoking the first cigarette halfway down in one inhale. He only has two left; he’ll have to go and buy more later.

Denji gasps, covering his mouth with his hand. “Aki. Are you… infertile?” he whispers, subtly (his version of it) pointing at Aki’s dick.

“Denji, even if I were infertile, that wouldn’t mean anything with the man I’m dating. Second of all, no! I’m pretty sure you’re trying to say impotent, anyway.”

“Well, yeah, you’re important, Aki. I can admit that,” Denji says, looking very proud of himself for the compliment. “Well, what exactly is your fault then if it’s not your dick or his dick? What else is there?”

Aki wipes his hand over his face, very much feeling like a father having the sex talk with a very education-deficient child.

“I’m fucked up,” he says plainly, popping a new cigarette out of the pack. “I lost my family, and I thought I was fine; I wasn’t. I’ve lost more colleagues than I can count at this job. I thought I was fine; I am not. I wanted to run away from it all so badly that I really—really—hurt his feelings. I went back on what we agreed to do, what I said I would do. I said I’d be better for myself and him, and I wasn’t, so he’s done, and I can’t blame him. He doesn’t deserve this shit.”

A beat of silence passed between them, filled with the sounds of the streets below them and the air whipping past from how high up in the building they were. He smoked the new cigarette down to the filter, plucking out the last one with a sigh before lighting it up.

“Why don’t you just retire then?”

Aki looks over at Denji like the boy just told him his mother was the second coming of the Virgin Mary. What he said felt just as unbelievable to the devil hunter.

“Excuse me?”

Denji looks at him with that characteristically dopey look on his face, flicking one of Aki’s lighters on and off. Aki does not know where he got it from; he also doesn’t tell him off about wasting the lighter fluid.

“I said quit. If it’s ruining your life so much, then quit. Kobeni resigned, and so did that survivor dude from Division One. Just… quit. What’s the worst that could happen?”

Aki stares blankly at him, cursing when his cigarette burns his thigh where he let his hand relax too much.

“I can’t quit, dumbass. They’d kill you and Power. Do you not remember the conditions of your being hired? Power too?”

“Dude, do you remember the conditions of us being hired? We were an experimental unit, sure, but Divison Four is merging with us soon. Makima will make concessions for you to leave. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think it mattered yet, but I’m not shadowing you anymore. I’m a hunter, in my own right. So, don’t fuck up your relationship anymore on my behalf. If you’re tired, quit! Life’s too short to be miserable, man.”

Aki’s face hadn’t moved an inch since Denji started speaking. What happened to the horny teenage idiot that came into his house all those months ago, covered in dirt and smelling like the underside of a garbage container? His face looked as punchable as ever, but he was… different, more mature now, in some ways more than others. What the fuck.

“When the hell did you start making sense?”

“I’m very insightful when I try. Makima says so”

Aki rolls his eyes, stamping out the last of his cigarette. He couldn’t just… quit. He had too many opportunities before for an out, and he didn’t take them. It was too late to take them now. Wasn’t this his fate? For his family? For his pride?

“Aki, I can hear you thinking,” Denji says, a weird half smile on his face like he could actually hear Aki’s thoughts. “Look, Himeno told you to quit, and now she’s dead. I think now is a good time to finally take her advice, don’t you think?”

Aki opens his mouth to reply, but closes it just as quickly when he realizes he doesn’t know what to say. Denji comes out onto the balcony and squats in front of Aki, holding on to the senior devil hunter’s knees.

“Do you believe in me? Makima, the rest of Divison 4… everyone? Do you trust me to avenge your family? You’ve held on to the burden of it for way too long. You’ve done your dues, and I know I didn’t know them, but I’m sure your family would be proud of you. You can be done.”

Aki’s eyes feel wet when he looks down at the devil hybrid, brimming hot and fast with a reservoir of tears he’d held in for too long. God, he’d been holding it in for so damn long.

“Thank you Denji,” Aki says, pulling the younger man into a vice-like hug. Denji pats his back a little roughly, but it feels good. It lets Aki know that he’s there.

“You’re welcome. Now, go get your man. There are only so many places someone brooding enough for you could be hiding in this city.”

xx

Aki sits outside of an ice cream parlor after dark, still early but unlit apart from the business signs due to the time change. The cherry red bench makes him think of Angel’s eyes, and it reminds him of their first indirect kiss. It was cheesy, but after their first time, they left the bar to get ice cream. Angel wanted to try two flavors, so they got two flavors. He licked Aki’s ice cream cone, and Aki tasted his, and he knew then—deep down inside—that he was in for something deeper. The parlor had become the one place he and Angel frequented besides the bar, a hidden gem in the sea of the city that served the only ice cream that Aki had ever liked as an adult. He felt like a kid again when they went, untainted by the horrors of life as he ate his pretty pistachio ice cream cone.

He sits with a serving of the gilded flavor in his gloved hand, barely tasting it as he glances around the exterior, peaking his head into the building every few minutes to see if anyone has walked in through the back entrance. After two hours of sitting, he’s ready to call it quits when all of a sudden, he looks up, and the light around him is eclipsed by ethereal snow-white wings.

“What are you doing here?” Angel asks, glancing around at the sparse crowd of patrons a good distance away from them. His hands are shoved into the pockets of the oversized winter coat Aki gave him, and his wings are compacted small enough to be hidden within the fabric, though Aki can still see their outline pretty clearly.

“Hoping to run into you,” Aki says, having the good sense to look sad about it. “I just want to talk, please. Can we please talk?”

Angel huffs, slightly stomping his foot as he looks at anything but Aki.

“Only if you promise to stop pretending, then I’ll let you talk to me.”

Aki squints, confusion clear on his face as he looks up at the devil.

“What am I pretending about Angel? What do you mean?”

Angel scoffs, his eyes finding Aki’s in an instant. They’re brimmed with fire that matches the vermilion red of his hair.

“I don’t know, Aki. Like everything is okay. Like you aren’t hurting. Like you fucking hate me, maybe.”

Aki holds out his hand, looking at Angel’s face to decode the expression there. He doesn’t really need to, though. Angel is hurt, and Aki hurt him. He knows it’s on him to fix that.

“I don’t hate you, baby. I could never ever hate you.”

“You used to! You used to spout off all the time about how you didn’t like devils. Anytime I did anything that even remotely resembled humanity, you looked at me like I’d grown a second halo or something,” the devil says, his voice raising enough to draw the attention of one patron beside them.

“I know you’re in pain, Aki. I don’t really fully understand it, but I know how I would feel if I lost you. It would hurt like hell—literally! I would feel like a piece of my heart had been cut away. But, you’re here, and I’m here, and you had no right—none—to treat me like an indispensable fucking… devil. Like the devils that you said you hate. The kind that you keep around because they’re useful and nothing else.”

“I know,” Aki says, sighing as he tries to soothe Angel. “I agree. You’re right. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, and I know it’s on me now to fix it. I know you’re right an—”

“I’m right? Then why the fuck don’t you act like it? Huh?” Angel said, fire still burning in his doe-like eyes. “I know I’m a devil, but you’ve been such an asshole. I understand it now—the grief. I get it. I felt like a piece of my chest unraveled when I walked away from you; I can’t imagine that being permanent. I just… don’t take it out on me. Never again. Promise!”

“I promise. I swear to you, Angel,” Aki says, coaxing Angel into sitting down. The devil looks pissed; if they weren’t having such a serious conversation, Aki would swoon over it. “I’ve lost too much. I’ve lost so much and so many people. I didn’t know how to just… be. I didn't know how to live simply, but I want to try. I want to prove to you that I care—that I cherish you. I want to live, and I want to do it with you if you’ll let me. Can we?”

Angel stares at him, his anger still palpable but noticeably waning.

“Prove it to me how?” Angel says, his voice characteristically dry but also childishly snooty.

Aki reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small paper-clipped stack of forms. Angel takes them hesitantly, and Aki tears up when he sees the expression fully change on the devil’s face.

“You’re quitting?”

“I already quit,” Aki says, sniffling as Angel grabs his hand tight, pulling him into a hug.

There are too many layers between them again, and Aki aches to kiss Angel, but this is okay. He’s holding the man he’s grown to love, and there’s nothing but opportunity ahead of them both. Aki shares his ice cream with Angel, partially melted and a little crushed from how tightly he’d been holding it, and he feels at peace, for the first time in god knows how long. He doesn’t quite know where they’ll go from here, but he has newfound security in knowing they’ll figure it out together, for the rest of their lives.

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𖨆♡𖨆 the end! what'd you think? reblog, reply, or send me an ask to lmk 𖨆♡𖨆

╰┈➤ pt. one; full fic on ao3; thank you for reading!